How can I stage an intervention for DH - anxiety/depression

[DallasTexas]

Has anyone got any tips for how I can stage an intervention for DH?

He has health anxiety and was offered CBT but declined it, saying he couldn’t fit it into his schedule.

Fast forward and he’s having some troubles at work. It’s not great and I really feel for him, but it is taking over our entire life.

Everything is extreme - he can only see the negative things in his future. He thinks he has scuppered his career chances in this field. He hates his job. He hates every day he has to wake up and go to this job. Everything is bleak. He is useless. He can’t do his job.

He cried the other day, for the first time since I’ve known him.

He seems so helpless. He is terribly sad. I have horrible thoughts that one day he may take his life. I can’t believe I’ve just written that.

The evenings now are awful. He doesn’t talk. I can’t cheer him up. If I try to encourage him I am just giving empty platitudes, apparently.

I don’t know if it’s anxiety or depression, but his totally negative outlook on his life, work and future is not ‘normal.’ I tentatively suggested the other day that he might be letting his anxieties get the better of him and he totally bit my head off... Couldn’t I see the problem is the job not him? Why don’t i believe him? How can I be so hurtful?

Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can encourage him to see a GP, please?

Hi OP, mental health charities and the Samaritans may be able to advise on the best approach. Can you insist he takes some annual leave or sick.leave from work to at least give some headspace and help give him some time to make steps to improve his wellbeing? Sounds so tough for him (and worrying for you)

Also almost all GPs do telephone appointments so this would require less mental effort for him to take himself there .

I feel your pain. Similar situation with my DH, hates his job, causes stress and anxiety, everything is always a catastrophe and doom and gloom. The knock on effect it has in me and and our family is so hard. Like your DH my DH won’t seek help and he thinks a therapist will strip him bare and that he’ll fall apart. I’m afraid I don’t have any answers, as am starting to realise that the only person that can help is my DH himself, he has to want to get help. Take care of yourself and lean on your family and friends and explain to them what you’re going through, that has really helped me cope. Sending you a huge hug.

There is a book called Dare by B McDonagh which I found helpful, it has a v good star rating on amazon so it's not just me. It is a little bit 'take control' in my view, he could try reading it.

You can't stage an intervention, only he can do that. And if he won't help himself, it's extremely unreasonable of him to continue to inflict his miseries on you. However hard it is, he has no right to be that selfish - and it is selfishness. I have an almost 18yo DD who has anxiety and depression, but she works her arse off through therapy and through using the coping mechanisms she has learned, and she does everything not to inflict her illness on me. Your DH needs to accept he has a problem and do the same. Some tough love may be needed.