Detaching from close friend

[bitscarednow78899]

I don't really want to be friends with a very close friend anymore

We have had some great times and been very, very close for around 10 years, inseparable really - in recent years had to move away for work etc, but still kept in daily contact

On our last meeting my circumstances had changed a bit and I detected a change in her too - she was almost competing? It seemed a bit awkward, difficult to explain.

I enjoy her company and maybe we have both changed but I find some aspects of her life (and her subsequent, not sure, smugness? Self-satisfaction? of them) quite hard to stomach... To give an example she lives with her partner and his family in a purpose built house and seems to have it all... and know it... She makes comments which are pretty distanced from the real world and can be quite judgmental of others circumstances e.g. of people who dont save money, of people who she deems lazy, the list goes on.

I dont think it is jealousy as I know others in similar positions but I do genuinely think she doesnt realise how hard it is to live away from home and try and strike it out on your own without a support network. It is really bloody hard and has been my experience for the past few years, which I guess is the norm. I am privileged but equally have worked so so hard and just come into some luck - when I told her, I felt, I dont know, boastful? Competitive?

Sorry for the long message, not sure what I am really asking or saying. I have felt inferior to her for a long time (my own doing, I think) and just want to break out of that role really. It will be a shame to lose the friendship but I don't know what else to do... All advice gratefully accepted :)

OP,
History isn't a good enough reason to keep connected when you realise you have nothing in common.

Look at it like there is no faulty, you have simply drifted away.

You're allowed to call time on this friendship. That's okay and it does hurt but you'll be fine. I bet you feel relief quite quickly. I ditched a friend of nearly 20 years recently. They got too far into conspiracy shit and that was it. Zero tolerance. Friendship is a two way street, always. Am I a bit of a bitch for that? I really don't care. I care about my own wellbeing and fuck the self centred wankers who think their sole focus is all important.

Really, OP, its OK to distance yourself. People go down different paths. I gave up a friendship recently. She was just making pissy comments at me quite often without realising! I'm a quiet, considerate person by nature so didn't comment but I thought afterwards, nah, can't be doing with this.

So: upshot:

1. Just distance myself happily, no agenda. I don't feel any anger by the way. We had a nice friendship whilst it lasted. Or

1. Let the friendship continue, if she wants, but let her be proactive, and for your part not take any more s* if it comes up ... give her a run for her money! Or

1. Let the friendship roll with no real effort on your part and see what happens.

OR a mixture of all 3 ...

I really feel a friendship is to be enjoyed
I've ended some long term friendships for different reasons.
One was so smug as she was married and I was single (often commented on it)
When I got my masters she said it was because I had nothing else in my life. For years after and even when I did marry she spoilt my hen moaning. Then when I had my first baby made comments that I might not get pregnant again.

Do I miss them. Not a jot.

i think women esp often mistake acquaintance of long-standing for friendship.
and they agonise over whether how to continue the meetings.
i bet most men never think like this.
perhaps it's a legacy of nice-ness conditioning.
but some females seem to take advantage and play on the good nature or others.
there is no obligation to stay in contact if it does not suit.

I agree with PP’s, some friendships simply run their course and it’s time to let go. I have a similar situation with an old friend, although she doesn’t live close by. We’ve still seen each other regularly over the years, but the last couple of times (just before COVID hit) really showed me that we have nothing in common now. I’ve been texting less (I still reply to messages but don’t call or give much detail) and I’m hoping we’re just drifting apart. She has plenty of other friends and it’s quite possible I bore her now as well.

It happens to everyone occasionally and your friend will get over it. I was ditched by a local friend last winter, she just stopped texting and I was slightly hurt at first, but it’s OK, she was replaceable (couldn’t resist a touch of bitchiness). 😈