Is this a passive aggressive dig or not?

[HarleyQuinn33]

Background: my mother and I have had a very strained relationship this year. She has always been very controlling but this year I had a baby. My first. When I was pregnant and told her so, she gave me a short lecture on how hard parenting was and that she doubted my parenting ability as she believes I am too sensitive. She then went and got lots of baby stuff without telling me, buggy, changing mat, clothes. All second hand and of mixed quality. I asked her to let me know and check with me if she was going to get more things and to not buy any more because I had things from my in laws and had got things already.

Today: she texted me 'do you want me to make your birthday cake, normally I would but I have to put brakes on now to check everything'. I pointed out that it sounded passive aggressive and now she says I hate her, am hostile and she is threatening to cut ties.

Am I being dense here or was that a subtle dig?

I doubt your mum will keep this up for very long. She will be back and expecting you to pretend this never happened, or for you to apologise to her. Remember what she did and if you do decide to let her bask into your life, remember that your child deserves nothing less than a loving grandparent who behaves respectfully towards him/her and you. Anything else is unacceptable in front of your child and you must protect your child from this kind of abusive, harmful behaviour even if you accept a certain amount for yourself.

You can help to break the cycle now, by blocking her everywhere. That way, when she decides that you have been punished enough, it's harder for her to pull you back into the toxicity.

You do realise that you have the power in this?
She needs your attention and validation far more than you need hers- in fact she deliberately chooses to undermine you rather than support and encourage you.

she's creating drama hoping that soon YOU will feel bad and will bend over backwards to 'sort things out' with her...after chasing her.....it's all a game to her.

I'd ignore her......and decide on a response for the flying monkeys she might send your way (friends/relatives)
when she comes back - have your boundaries ready and at the first over-stepping you let her know how you wish to be treated.
If she doesn't like it - she can disappear again.

You need to toughen up and assert yourself with her - i can just imagine how overbearing and cutting she will be once the baby is here....and you're learning how to do things your way and what's best for your baby.