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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

We're back together but I'm getting mixed signals. Am I overthinking this?

8 replies

Kellyg732 · 11/11/2020 09:12

Hello MN

A month ago he dumped me so I moved out of our apartment and he took over the tenancy. We had only been dating for 4 months (I know, I know) we massively rushed things and he was also dealing with emotional baggage. Disaster waiting to happen. I'd even brought up marriage and kids, he seemed happy with it. He'd recently separated this year from his ex who he had a dc with. He hadn't given himself enough time to fully adjust to his new life without the family unit anymore. It all hit him when we started living together and he said he needed time. He was neglecting himself, his work, the apartment and me. He kept apologising and tried to stay in touch with me. I chose to go no contact for three weeks then responded to him. He called me and he seemed to have his head together and asked if I'd give him another chance but take it slow this time.

I saw him last weekend, I went to the apartment, he cooked me a dinner. He seemed in a better place, he was throwing himself into work, had a routine when he see's dc and was taking care of the apartment. He said mentally he felt better. He asked if I'd accept the keys to the apartment and wants me to come round whenever I want. I took them and we agreed to see how things go. He's texted/called everyday since meeting up but he hasn't made any concrete plans to see me again. I know it's lockdown but still? This week he's seeing dc lots and working lots so I didn't want to mention meeting but surely if he's asked me back, he'd make a plan to see me again. He did say "We need to get into a series on Netflix, when will you come round, the weekend?" and "So where will we go first when lockdown is over?" "I want you to spend Christmas with me" "I miss you here" I understand we're taking it slow but should we talk about what exactly slow means? I feel like I'm getting mixed signals?

OP posts:
Zolaanna · 11/11/2020 09:25

He's a man baby. He dumped you. He's just not that into you. Listen to your gut
Why waste your time being messed around

Muchadoaboutlife · 11/11/2020 09:28

You’re a crutch. He’s not over his past relationship. He will use you to get over the ex. Why would you go for somebody like this? He needs at least a year of living on his own

user115632569541 · 11/11/2020 09:29

Not this again.

The history of all your previous threads shows this man doesn't actually give a shit about you, he just wants you at his beck and call.

Nothing has changed.

edwinbear · 11/11/2020 09:35

OP I read your last post, he's really not ready for a relationship. If you want to give it another go, I'd just leave things super casual for now. Really try and put him to the back of your mind, stop messaging him first, reply to him if you want but don't rely on this man at all. If he asks to meet up and you want to see him, then do, but really don't pin any hopes on him. He has a void to fill now he's broken up with his ex, but only on his terms.

MotherOfDragons85 · 11/11/2020 09:40

I remember all your previous posts OP. You’re really setting yourself up for a huge heartbreak here. He’s really just not that into you. If he was he’d be doing everything to see you and spend time with you, but he isn’t he’s just keeping you dangling by a thread so he doesn’t feel lonely. It doesn’t even sound like he has proper contact arrangements sorted with his ex for his DC.

You’re wasting your time. I’m so sorry but you really are.

littlebirdieblue · 11/11/2020 09:42

I remember your other thread about him. Listen, I mean this in the nicest possible way, but he is not ready for a relationship. If you stay in this situation with him you are going to get hurt. You need to walk away and let him grieve his last relationship. He thinks he's ready to do things with you but really not, he's emotionally unavailable. Honestly the best thing you can do for yourself is walk away.

Glitterb · 11/11/2020 09:44

Why are you posting about this again?

You obviously haven’t listened to any of the previous advice given. You have only been together 4 months, just walk away and find someone who isn’t messing you around!

MMmomDD · 11/11/2020 09:48

Haven’t seen your previous threads but just going on the info here - both of you massively rushed into something.
He is just getting into a new phase of his life.
And you seem strangely passive.

Why are you waiting for him to define what taking it slowly mean? Why don’t YOU set your boundaries and tell him what you need/want/etc.

So - in your place I’d start with a weekly date night and go from there. Maybe weekends?

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