I have name changed for this, I am so embarrassed to be talking like a high schooler. I am reeling from the fact my best friend - someone with whom I have had a really close relationship with/ started a business with, has basically dumped me. If I am being honest it has been going on for a year with her just blocking more and more - not picking up the phone, always having more on, etc. I am separating from my partner and have been going through the mill and she just was never available and I eventually said I was feeling her avoiding me and she wrote me this long email about how I am deluded and I don't really know her not like her (new) partner and another friend. It's only been dragging so long I realise because I have been picking up loads of slack in the business and also she has an issue where she has to feel she is very special to people so she sort of goes out of her way to make them feel special, which she has done with me. But it's more like that's what she wants off them but she's not actually at the same level of commitment.
Anyway I realise I just need to see her and the relationship for what it was - but I am so hurt. I walk along the street imagine telling her all the things that I think she has done wrong/ want her to admit (she never will). I'm just really struggling to let go and get to a healthy place about it all. I have a childhood trauma (separation) that I think is a huge part and I realise I was using the supposed specialness of the relation ship to plug a sort of hole in me. I see this is all mime to deal with and know I won't get any sort of satisfaction from her. But I can't seem to snap out of hoping that she will apologise and want to resume our friendship. Please talk me into some self respect