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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dumped by best friend

2 replies

Flakeymcwakey · 10/11/2020 19:43

I have name changed for this, I am so embarrassed to be talking like a high schooler. I am reeling from the fact my best friend - someone with whom I have had a really close relationship with/ started a business with, has basically dumped me. If I am being honest it has been going on for a year with her just blocking more and more - not picking up the phone, always having more on, etc. I am separating from my partner and have been going through the mill and she just was never available and I eventually said I was feeling her avoiding me and she wrote me this long email about how I am deluded and I don't really know her not like her (new) partner and another friend. It's only been dragging so long I realise because I have been picking up loads of slack in the business and also she has an issue where she has to feel she is very special to people so she sort of goes out of her way to make them feel special, which she has done with me. But it's more like that's what she wants off them but she's not actually at the same level of commitment.

Anyway I realise I just need to see her and the relationship for what it was - but I am so hurt. I walk along the street imagine telling her all the things that I think she has done wrong/ want her to admit (she never will). I'm just really struggling to let go and get to a healthy place about it all. I have a childhood trauma (separation) that I think is a huge part and I realise I was using the supposed specialness of the relation ship to plug a sort of hole in me. I see this is all mime to deal with and know I won't get any sort of satisfaction from her. But I can't seem to snap out of hoping that she will apologise and want to resume our friendship. Please talk me into some self respect

OP posts:
Mommybear05 · 10/11/2020 20:49

Aw sorry to hear you are feeling so upset and also going through a separation. Some people are meant to be for just a chapter, not the whole book I’m afraid.
This girl has this other friend and hasn’t been there for you in your darkest hour of need. Speaks volumes to me. She seems to think of herself from what you have said (you don’t know her like other people know her) bringing it back to herself. I’ve drifted from my bestie too over the last year or so. It hurt at first but I’m in a better place now. I’m sure you will too. It’s hard with corona but invest your time and energy with different people. My friend used to be like that too, going over the top to make people feel special. Now I see it was just that- over the top and in cases fake. You need genuine people who will be there for you when you need them. Find some new people and spend your energy on them. You will build new relationships before you know it and then look back and see she wasn’t all that! You don’t need her. She is a colleague now. She will realise her loss if she has any sense but when you need someone who isn’t there, it’s hard to come back from.

Flakeymcwakey · 10/11/2020 21:23

You are right in regards to bringing it back to herself: if I say I am struggling she is either struggling more or has already been through where I am or whatever. She just always finds a way to make it about her. Thing is she has had a lot to deal with - leaving an abusive partner, moving back in with her mum so I always have been letting it slide. But in these last weeks I have come to see it will always be about her unless she is on charm offensive.

There are lots of great people round me who I can lean on a bit - it's amazing who comes out of the woodwork when you need them! But I am by nature someone who has one or two intense relationships rather than a big circle so I am feeling strange about it. Perhaps this tendency is part of the robe though and I could work to cultivate a bigger spread, if you know what I mean

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