He won't move out

[Todaythiscouldbe]

Three weeks ago my husband sent me messages intended for the other woman. He deleted them but I had already seen them. When I confronted him he said he didn't care. We've been married 15 years. He's also lost his job in the last 2 weeks. He won't move out, his name is on the tenancy and he knows his rights. He says he'll go when he can afford it. I'm destroyed, I have no idea what to do. I can't live like this.
Any advice would be gratefully received.

I’m sorry he’s a cheating shitebag. Do you have children?

One. He's 16, husband told him he'd move out when he was ready. I wasnt allowed to be part of the conversation as he didn't want me putting my own spin on it.

I do t know what you can do as he's on the tenancy but

@Todaythiscouldbe

One. He's 16, husband told him he'd move out when he was ready. I wasnt allowed to be part of the conversation as he didn't want me putting my own spin on it.

God what a controlling knob. Can you move out? Is that an option? End the tenancy and leave.

You seem quite used to him being controlling? Are there many other things you're not allowed to do?

I wish I could leave. I work in a zero hours, low paid job as I've always been responsible for all child related things. I'm contemplating moving in with relatives but that would mean a huge upheaval for my son in an exam year (they're not local)

@user115632569541

You seem quite used to him being controlling? Are there many other things you're not allowed to do?

Too many things to mention. I realise now how controlling he is. I'm not even allowed carpets or curtains. I've been such an idiot.

If he's lost his job and you're lowpaid, how are you going to manage the rent on your current place anyway?

I'd sign on for benefits and see if you can up your hours, apply to the council too. Let your landlord know that the relationship is over and that you want to remove your name from the tenancy ASAP

either one of you can terminate the tenancy with affects both parties. If he is on the tenancy agreement the only way to remove him is via a court order, and with good reason, if hes refusing to sign off

Ok, in that case have you spoken to Women's Aid for advice?

There are more options and resources available to support you as someone suffering domestic abuse / coercive control.

Women's Aid 0808 2000 247

You could involve the police if you wanted or if at any point things escalate and you feel unsafe. They have powers to protect you. Coercive control is a crime.

Also, there's the Freedom Programme course to help with building your life without him.

You're not an idiot. Things can get better and there are people out there who can help.

Your local council may also have staff and resources specifically to help victims of domestic abuse too.

It just doesn't feel like abuse. He's not violent. I'm not scared of him. I feel like a fraud.

@Todaythiscouldbe

It just doesn't feel like abuse. He's not violent. I'm not scared of him. I feel like a fraud.

Not all abuse is violence. I was in a horribly abusive marriage and he never hit me.

Could you speak to your son about it, OP? I don't suppose you're in Wales, are you?

Look for somewhere to move to and give notice on your current property?

do you rent social housing or private rental?