It’s a long story so I’ll try and be as brief as possible - my DF cut me off 12 years ago after his DW manipulated a situation between her and I. I saw him 7 years ago at a family funeral and had a long talk with him and we seemed to have cleared up the misunderstandings. Then when he was at leaving from the airport (he lives in a long-haul country) he sent me a text saying only “Apologise to my DW.” Nothing else said.
I had counselling back then to try and understand how on earth this ridiculous situation arose in the first place and the counsellor concluded it was nothing to do with me and I was being made a scapegoat for their marital problems.
Over the years I’ve just blocked out the pain of not seeing or having contact with my DF, while also feeling angry at him for being so spineless, but now he’s turned 80 and it’s hit me hard that I’ll definitely probably never see him again. I’ve heard through family that he’s had cancer a few years ago.
I wrote him an email two years ago and had no response. I carefully wrote my side of the story, made no accusations at all - just my side and said what a sad situation this is. Did not criticise his DW, etc. I’m thinking he has either chosen not to reply or his DW saw it first and deleted it (they share the email).
He has no family around him aside from DW’s (he emigrated there in the 1960s from the UK, I was born there but now live in the UK), and his wife is 13 years younger than him. His DW is massively money-orientated and I do sometimes think this situation was by design to cut me out of his life so that she will inherit everything. Before I moved to the UK she told me “you do know all your getting is X property don’t you?” This property was what my DF owned before they married but together they own their own home plus used to have 7 rental properties which was intended to provide for in their retirement. This comment that she made, which my DF is not aware of, makes me think that there is a financial motive behind this situation. The counsellor agreed that it could be a factor.
I feel so hurt and angry that I have lost 12 years from my DF because of her. We always previously got on well and then these petty accusations came out of the blue and turned my DF against me.
I now have my own DC and I cannot see how someone can just cut their child out of their life for such petty rubbish (counsellor agreed it’s petty, therefore there must be another reason between them). My DC I guess will never know their grandfather.
I have thought of emailing one final time, or posting a letter and getting my husband to write the address on the envelope so that his DW won’t recognise the handwriting and intercept it. I just don’t know whether to leave it or try one more time.