Finding love after divorce as a single Mum

[StartingAgainat31]

Just that really. I have a 2 year old. And sometimes it feels pretty hopeless. Especially in the middle of a global pandemic with an unknown expiry date! I'm currently bubbled with my parents, who are in there 70s, so I'm being very careful, and am not meeting anyone. But how long can that feasibly go on for.

Does anybody have an success stories of finding love after divorce, with a child in tow. I know it happens. I'm a child of a second (very unhappy) marriage on both sides.

I'm pretty happy bumbling along on my own. There are things about being single that I love. My own space. Eating what I like, doing what I like, but I would love to find someone to share adventures with, dreams with, cuddles with and share my life.

I met my ex husband at 17. Its fair to say that at 31, after a hideous marriage and lessons learned, I'm much more discerning. And have no intention of just letting anyone into our Mummy Daughter bubble.

I've chatted to a few blokes online. Most seem unable to communicate and have a decent intellectual conversion, and instead ask questions about bra size and favourite sex positions, and get rapidly blocked. This is after I've filter out the more obviously dubious profiles. I'm also stunned at how many guys have come out of the woodwork in my Facebook and Instagram friends, only for me to discover they were attached!!!!

Are there any good guys out there, or are they really all sex mad, sleazy or just cheats? Any success stories would be very appreciated.

How long have you been single for because having a decent break is a very good idea.

I’m older so online dating was not a thing however when many of my friends divorced at around 40 they all did it and results were mixed. The majority of men were not great though 3 did end up remarrying. One is very happy, one is happy enough and one is sadly about to get divorced but even more sadly is about to lose assets due to her OH being a cocklodger, he bought zero assets as a bankrupt to the marriage.

Set yourself high standards and you say your marriage was bad, work on yourself and spotting red flags. These friends did have dc but they were teens by then. As much as I hate to say it don’t share you have a young DD straight away as it can attract the worst kind of human. I used to volunteer for a domestic violence charity so maybe I am a bit jaded but just be careful.

Thanks @Valkadin that is useful information. I have been doing a lot of work on myself. I'm definitely in a better place, but there is always more I could do to improve. I've had counselling and been through the freedom programme. I'm not remotely interested in rushing things by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just interested to see how people found it, as my mind is beginning to think in that direction.

I have. He’s wonderful. My ex is constantly causing issues though, sadly.

@Princessposie I'm so pleased for you. How did you meet. Also I understand what you mean about the ex. I have no doubt mine will do the same. Its a mature man that will willingly come into that sort of situation, especially with a young child on the scene. And frankly none of the men I have spoken to seem very mature at all.

I am in the same situation as you. I have been separated for a year with a toddler. I am also doing the freedom program. It does feel harder to meet someone. I am a lot more cautious from my previous experiences.

I have been working on building myself up to have more confidence. My cousin separated from her husband a few months before and she has already met someone else and got engaged to him. She is a lot more confident than me and is also sharing the care of her children with her ex so has more opportunities to go on dates etc.

It is good that you have the support of your parents. It will make it easier to go out and meet people when we are able to.

I don’t really have any advice for you but you are not the only one.

I have been separated almost 3 years and have 2 dc (now 12 and 14).

I have met someone else and although i love him and our relationship, I won't say it's all perfect.

I am torn a lot between my relationship and my dc. Not because they or he intentionally makes me feel that way but I am very aware that he is not their dad. Me and my dc have a close relationship and I don't ever want them to feel like my priorities are elsewhere so i won't move i with my bf or anyone else while they are still dependant on me. I never want them to feel uncomfortable in their own home or that they can't come into me in the night/morning if they want to.

It means that because of their age, they do their own thing most evenings and I am sat on my own, but they know I am there. I see my bf mostly on the days/evenings my dc are with their dad and it works fine for me but I understand that at some point my bf might want more from me and I will probably be unable to give it.

So basically, for me I will never have the kind of relationship again that I had with the father of my dc so don't expect or hope for that. What I have is something different that works for us all for now. I can't say what the future will look like.

I've been separated four years. In my 40s but young looking and make an effort despite being exhausted from parenting and working.

Practically nothing happening during that time either. It's taken me ages to get through it as he's perpetuated the domestic abuse since I left and there have been multiple court actions and then I've had coronavirus to boot. So it's taken up all my time.

I would like to meet someone but feel really wary of men still and also when I have dipped my toe into the water it's been really quite bleak... selfish, clueless men, pervs, unreliable blokes etc. Pretty disheartening.

StartingAgainat31 we met through mutual friends, which was nice because I got a clear picture of who he is/ how he behaves, whilst single and in previous relationships (my friend had known him for more than a decade). For me it was important that my DD was safeguarded from harm, so the combination of a character witness, evidence of a track record of a career working with children, I knew then that there was no concerns regarding offending etc. I fell in love with him really early on, but I needed to assess all the information I’d been given about him with my own observations, so I held back - that I think made him want me more. He’s the second best thing to ever happen to me and I feel very, very lucky.

I second a previous poster about being careful if you have kids. So many parents are disproportionately fearful about stranger kidnappings/abuse but nearly all abuse is actually carried out by a person a child knows, including stepdads. And unfortunately, if you're that way inclined, targeting mums on the hunt for a replacement partner (who are often desperate for a new man and easy to please) is the best way of securing ongoing access to a child.

I separated when my daughter was 4. I got together (in retrospect much too soon) with an old friend - I trusted him as I had known him 20 years, so I am sure let him into DD’s life too quickly. We were together for 2 years, in some ways good in some ways bad, we ended up moving in then he dumped me horribly. After a bit I then went on Tinder, just to maybe chat on-line and have a few dates, swore I would never be serious about a man again. But actually, first one I met proved to be super-fucking lovely, and am still with him several months on. He hasn’t met DD yet and won’t for a while - but I would say I am falling in love now, and starting to acknowledge we could have a serious future..... Still a few trust issues on my part due to previous relationships, and am considering counselling for that if I can afford it!

But yes, I do feel like finally, at 43, I have met a man who consistently treats me with respect, who I am wildly attracted to and respect back in his turn - only wish I had met him sooner really!

Obviously now i’ve said this he will probably ghost me tomorrow! 🤣🤣🤣