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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Narcissistic ex, moving on and new relationship

1 reply

Melandri · 10/11/2020 07:37

Hi all,

I posted a few months back about my narcissistic ex and shared some of the messages he would send. It was agreed that he was narcissistic and was using a number of other techniques and strategies to manipulate the relationship.

I’m now considering what a new relationship could look like but I’m struggling to let go. I’ve talked to some lovely men, been on a few dates and felt that spark and connection but I still think about him.

My ex would argue with me all the time, say things that were untrue, and get us both in a tangled mess.
But he was also the funniest person I’ve ever known, made me feel the most loved and desired I’ve ever felt (when it was going well) and welcomed me into his life with open arms. I had a key to his place (our place he would call it) and I’d met all of his family.

Could he have been acting out through insecurity? Was it my fault? A tough situation as I’d come out of a marriage (completely amicably) and he was insecure about that?

Or do I just need sense talking into me? I’ve read through my past threads which helped but I’m still not sure if it could be different second time around.

If it is that you should never get past a narcissist then how do you get over them when they’re so good at giving you what you need a lot of the time?

You were all so wonderful first time around, I didn’t know where else to turn.

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 10/11/2020 08:16

He gave enough of what you wanted to get the opportunity to do what he wanted. The ‘good’ bits were a means to an end.

The problem with the labelling of narcissism on this site is its used as an excuse not to examine the OP’s own motives/ behaviour in accepting such poor behaviour.

You need to do the work in understanding who you are and why the so called ‘good’ bits were enough to accept the terrible. Do the work before you start dating.

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