Can I please have some advice re the finances as round splitting up

[Peanutbutteryogurt]

Hi,

I'd be grateful for any advice as I have no idea where to even start.

DP and I have been in an ongoing argument for a few days and with some of the things said I'm not sure it's really salvageable.

We have a 2 year old and custody would be pretty evenly split but more so towards me. We own a house jointly. We're not married. I work part time in an low paid NHS admin job to fit around caring for DD, DP works a high paid corporate job full time.

I have done some calculations on entitled to and I could not afford to live in this house alone and cover the mortgage and bills. I could afford to find somewhere to privately rent with UC topping up my salary. I am not sure what then happens to my stake in this house if I move out? Would DP have to buy me out, would we have to sell it?

The UC calculations supposedly included the childcare fees for DD's two days a week at nursery. If that is the correct then it would again make things very tight, unless DP paid for the childcare, but in the case it would not be calculated in to the UC leaving me with less.

I was planning on going back to uni next year to retrain. After this I will have access to much better earning potential and would ideally not need UC. I don't know if this will even be possible now but I guess that's something to worry about later.

Had anyone been in a similar situation? The money is the only thing really stopping me leaving but I don't have a clue where to start. I have never received benefits, I don't even get child benefit at the moment due to DP's salary.

The immediate plan if things get worse is to head to my parent's, but it's not that near and I don't want to end up living there.

I am quite lost tbh.

Just noticed a typo in the header sorry, AROUND splitting up

I don't have anything but obvious advice about the general finances but one thing I've learned from here and elsewhere is DON'T give up child benefit just because your partner is a high earner. Claim it and let the tax reclaim it because every year you do counts as a full year of NI contributions for you. Maybe not relevant if you've been paying NI anyway but relevant to many others.

Thanks, I have filled out the child benefit form but ticked the option to not receive it. Plus I do work.

I also just remembered that we've been paying back a £300 a month loan that we got out last year to buy my car. DP usually pays it from his salary when gets paid before putting the rest into the joint account. If he decided he wouldn't pay that anymore I'd be screwed really.

You will be entitled to child maintenance from DP if he becomes ex, this is not counted as income for UC

Thanks. I've done a CMS calculation and that would be around £80 a week on the basis of him having her 3 nights a week.

Whose name is the car loan in?

Are you splitting amicably?

Re: the house he could voluntarily buy you out or you could apply for an order for sale (if he won't) to get your half of the equity. I'm not sure if that lump sum would then affect your benefits though ... someone else will hopefully chip in and advise.

Are you joint tenants or tenants in common?

Is the ongoing argument relevant to his attitude towards you generally or to do with something else? If he's saying unsalvageable things to you whilst you're still his partner/the one he's supposed to love then be prepared for an even bumpier ride once you're separated.

Are you sure he'll want 3 days a week with your DD?

Car loan is in his name.

Split is not particularly ambicale. The ongoing argument is stupid but the things he says I don't think I can forgive. We also had an argument back in February which also resulted in him wanted to split and telling me to move out. I can live on a knife edge knowing he could decide to end it over something stupid every few months or so, so have decided I need to take a bit of control over my own life here. I still plan to study next year so hopefully the benefits will be a short term solution.

I am not sure about the joint tenants/tenants in common thing? We own the house with a mortgage and both out names are on the mortgage. He pays the monthly mortgage but I paid the 40000 deposit.

We just discussed it further and I made it clear I was looking in to the finances of moving out. We would split care of DD equally so I guess I wouldn't get child maintenance and he would pay the nursery fees.

I am looking on Rightmove and day dreaming of having my own place now.

*can't live on a knife edge sorry, typing on my phone

Joint tenants vs tenants in common relates to the % of the property you each own and whether who put in what is relevant or not (assuming you're in England or Wales, Scottish law might be different).

www.bonnetts.co.uk/2020/01/15/joint-tenants-vs-tenants-in-common-pros-and-cons/

It does sound like you need to separate. How were you thinking you'd split the days for shared care as it seems like it could be disruptive for such a young child?

We are joint tenants and own the property equally from the looks of the link.

At the moment, the plan would be she was with dp Sunday, Monday Tuesday and do her normal nursery days Monday and Tuesday and he'd have her those evenings. She has always been with my mum while I work on a Wednesday and that would continue, probably at this house. Then I'd have her Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Not ideal for a 2 year old I know, but there is no no way dp would have less time with her without a big fight and probably a court order. This plan has been made during a tense conversation and me in tears for some of it so we will have to see.

The house I have my eye on to rent is also very nearby.

That doesn't sound too bad to me, I guess you work Mon-Wed so the days you'd be spending most time with your DD wouldn't be changing that much? Don't rush into making any decisions though.

Too many fathers get to opt out of the weekday grunt work of parenting so it'll be good for your DD for him to be involved that way rather than the usual Disney Dad stuff that's so common.

Yes, I don't think I'll have an issue re caring for DD.

I have done the UC application but it is a bit confusing as I have had to do it based on this address.

Wait, are you going to get Universal Credit when you're going to get 40k plus from the sale of your house ?

He could drag out the sale for years so you really need advice.

We're not planning on selling at the moment. He will continue to live here and pay the mortgage.

Doesn’t he have to cover child care on his nights? He would where I live, which is not the uk.

Would the UC be affected by you owning a house that technically you could live in? (Not sure, just occurred to me.)

Doesn’t he have to cover child care on his nights? He would where I live, which is not the uk

I'm not sure what this means. She would be with him on those nights.

I don't know if UC is affected by the house, I've been trying to find that out via CAB and the UC application.

OP if you go to document Chapter H2: Capital Disregards on the lonk below and then jump to section H2119 in that document it looks like you get 6 months before any equity from your house would affect UC:

www.gov.uk/government/publications/advice-for-decision-making-staff-guide

Where I live nights mean being responsible for the next day as well. So if he has her Sunday night, he is responsible until something like 5pm on Monday. If she needs child care he would pay. If she was sick and couldn’t go to school, it would be his day to cover.

Isn’t that really the point of adjusting maintenance by the number of nights. Dinner and a place to sleep, the real financial responsibility is the daytime and child care.

Hmm the house stuff is a bit beyond me tbh, I might need more legal advice. Based on the UC website I won't receive anything until mid December anyway so plenty of time stuck here to look into it. Thanks for your help x

You won't get 40k back though unless you protected your deposit. As joint tenants, unless he agrees you can have your 40k back, the equity will be split evenly. If he won't sell the house then he will have to buy you out.

You can have up to 6k in savings before it affects UC. Then it tapers between 6-16k. If you have more than 16k then you cannot claim it.

If you have split and are still in the same house, you can claim UC. I didn't know this until a few months after my split and I informed tax credits. Even though ex and I still lived together, I was allowed to claim UC.

Fudgsicles

Yes I spoke to someone at CAB to said something along the same lines, but I would have to prove we were separated. That would be helpful in terms of getting money for a deposit on somewhere to live