So a few years ago I had a 4 year relationship. He ended it with me, started dating other women within 3 weeks of our breakup. Tried to get back with me, I didn’t push too much for this as I was angry/hurt that a)he had ended it and left me to pack up our home on my own and b)that he had gone on dates within weeks of our breakup. He then started a serious relationship within weeks of trying to get back with me, they got engaged after a year. I had waited 4 years for a proposal and he gave it to someone else after a year. Obviously I was very hurt and angry. I felt and still feel that this guy had wasted the best years of my life and may have dashed my hopes of being a mother due to simply wasting my time. He acknowledges what he did and has apologised but we have no contact anymore.
I finally get myself to a point where I can date again. I give it a lot of time and effort and meet a few guys. Most dates go well and it’s a great confidence boost. One guy I’m not initially attracted to but as he’s so lovely I decide to give him a shot. He wants to be my boyfriend and after being a bit reluctant (due to being hurt previously) I end up in a relationship with him for two years. He’s kind, considerate and knows what I went through with the other guy. He promises me regularly that he’ll never hurt me or waste my time etc. He whisks me away regularly, brought me to Paris for our 6 month anniversary, Vienna for the year anniversary. He says he feels so lucky to have me and that we’ll get married one day. We live apart as our work situations dictate it that way, but we acknowledge that we’ll soon compromise when his contract comes to an end. Lockdown hits in March and I expect him to invite me to lockdown with him as I’ll now be working from home. He doesn’t ask and I’m disappointed but I don’t say anything. I can’t ask him as I live with others and he’s still going to work in his area anyway. Anyway, we don’t see each other at all during the first lockdown. Things are relatively normal with communication otherwise. He says he misses me etc. We see each other in June after 3 months apart. Then in July I feel his texts are getting shorter. I know not to ignore intuition so I ask him straight out if everything is ok. He swears to me that we’re fine and it’s just because he’s working long hours. Fast forward to august, lack of communication is getting worse so I ask him again, he says he’s stressed as work might be transferring him to a different country. But again, we’re fine. He even mentions refusing the offer and staying here to be with me, finding work elsewhere. A couple of weeks later he says he’s coming to see me. I get excited to see him as I think he’s finally got the time to see me again and we can get back to a routine again. Turns out he’s come to break up with me as his feelings have changed.
I knew things had changed due to lockdown but I gave him an out twice and both times i was reassured that we were fine. He says he knows how great I am but his feelings are not what they were. He says he doesn’t believe he’s capable of committing, needs to work on himself etc. I ask if there’s anyone else, he swears there isn’t and I tell him I believe him but in my head I convince myself he’s met someone else at work. I also tell him how selfish it is to start a relationship with someone when you don’t know what you want. Anyway, no contact between us since.
My friend then calls me a couple of weeks ago to tell me she saw him on a dating app. This would have been approx 4 weeks post break up. He may well have been on it before that. I can’t believe it. So basically he’s actively looking for a relationship. I’m 37 and another man has wasted my time. I don’t know how I keep picking these people. I never expected it off this one. And yes I know it ended for him a long time before he told me, but at the same time I’m surprised at his lack of respect for me to publicly look for another woman.