Never had a l/t boyfriend

[bitscarednow78899]

Starting to get a bit scared.

Have done a lot of OLD (am 28) but never had a l/t boyfriend. Enjoyed being single and have had short relationships but they tend to fizzle after a few weeks / months - either I lose interest or they do & often haven't turned out to be the greatest guys...

I'm told I'm attractive and scrub up well, slim, good listener, have lots of friends, decent & high earning job... Starting to get really nervous. A lot of my friends are settling down too. Live in a big city and have a very busy job which has meant I have focused on work / having fun / seeing friends rather than dating - but really feel like life is passing me by now... To have had no-one serious at this age must be quite unusual?

You're not unusual at all, so enjoy your life and things will call into place. You should be proud for knowing when to end relationships that don't work. You will find the right person for you, just be sure to never settle because you think you "should" be in a long term relationship.

That's a really nice thing to say @Aquamarine1029 - thank you!

I don't think you're unusual at all OP. I was you at 28 except I was working such long hours I'd miss week day social events and come the weekend was just too tired to do anything. I was barely socialising so my life became work and it really got me down when I'd see others appear to get their happily ever after.

I met my DP in the pub one night after a long week. We worked for the same company but had never crossed paths. When we got talking it was like I'd always known him and things moved quickly from there with no effort, doubts or games. Five years on (now 32) we're still together and couldn't be happier.

Looking back I realise none of the people I met before DP were right for me and it wouldn't have been right to force it. I think I knew that myself but at the time all I could see was another failure. It was just so easy with DP.

My biggest regret is that I thought I needed a boyfriend to enjoy and make the most of life. I wish I'd filled my life with more positive and enjoyable experiences rather than waiting for DP to come along or comparing my life to others.

I'm sure people have said it'll happen when you least expect it - I hated that. It's easily said when you're in a happy relationship but I do think it's true. Enjoy your life and the right person will come along when the time is right.

I’ve de-lurked because I’m in exactly the same position, age etc! Like you, I have a demanding job, various different social groups, so not necessarily feeling like I’m missing anything. For the past 2 years I’ve been doing a part time Masters too, which has taken up my free time and what I have left I’ve wanted to spend with friends.

But yes, now I feel like I’m getting a bit left behind. Beginning to hate the question of ‘are you seeing anyone’. I think I do all the ‘right’ things - OLD, saying yes to any social event etc. Short term fling etc. But as my friends are settling down it seems harder to meet single men in real life.

This year hasn’t helped either - I sort of came into 2020 feeling positive about making some progress in this part of my life. Then...well we know what has happened! I live alone so I do feel a bit despondent at times when I see couples walking around, especially in lock down like now. And my usual escape mechanisms like going travelling aren’t available!

I am independent and I know what I want, so like you don’t let relationships run for the sake of it. But at the moment I seem to be struggling to convert OLD initial chats into anything more. Something I need to work on I suppose!

Anyway sorry for the ramble, and I have no advice but can commiserate and as much as I love my friends I don’t think they really ‘get’ it :)

You sound normal, don't ever settle as you'll regret it later in life.