I have posted before. My relationship of 27 years broke down because he had an affair, lied to me, and then he of course came back. I took him back but it was clear to me this was going to be on his terms and it was never going to work.
I finally left six months ago and have a place in a housing association property. I was lucky to get this. I am happy.
I have three children who are 18, 16 and 13. The youngest are boys and are still at school. They struggled with me leaving. They have mainly stayed in the family home with their Dad and this was their decision. They stay with me three nights a week. I still spend a lot of time with them. They are good kids and deserve a relationship with both of us.
I am struggling with the whole thing. My biggest problem is that my ex still thinks that I am going to come back. He invites me round for dinner to have tea with my own boys in my own house together, like one happy family. He doesn't see anything wrong with this. This is him trying to be a good partner, a good Dad. Even though he has driven me out of my own home with his lying.
He still asks me to do his invoices for him. He's self employed. I had him round my house tonight and told him in no uncertain terms that I didn't want to do it anymore and that he needed to sort it out himself. He actually asked me to show my 16 year old son how to do it! I refused, obviously.
I also told him that I wanted an arrangement sorted for the house. I've told him so many times. He won't listen. He thinks I'm being argumentative. He plays into my deepest fears that all of this has been my fault. I have bought it on myself. I must say I was not great a lot of the time. I struggled with the relationship. But he speaks to me like I'm just trying to start an argument. I just want to move on.
I want two things, an agreement about the house, both our names are on the mortgage. And for him to stop hassling me to do his invoices. We were not married. The mortgage is in both of our names and it comes out of my account because I do not trust him to pay it promptly every month. He is always late giving me the money. I need legal advice also. I contacted a solicitor but she couldn't help me. She was a bit dismissive of the whole thing. I guess this is essentially a civil matter.
It's a matter of trying to stop feeling so guilty that I am desperate to move on. But I cannot stand the fact that he gets to stay in the house and act like Dad of the fucking year after what he's done to me.