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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why is he doing this?

16 replies

SpideyMom · 08/11/2020 13:41

First of all, my apologies as I wasn't sure where to put this post, as it is not a relationship nor is it sex.

Anyway, I know this guy and there's been a lot of flirty banter and interest shown. Which to be fair I have enjoyed as its nothing too major, but it has given me a confidence boost which is what I needed. However he's really confused me this weekend. He's gone from doing a lot of chasing and making effort and saying things that he'd like to do, and now a window of opportunity has come to meet his kind of turning it on me but I am creating obstacles to stop him. Which for the record on absolutely not. This weekend I've also felt like he's taking the opportunity to 'make himself available' when he knows i'm unable to be. For example yesterday he knew I had to be somewhere and an hour before I had to be there he wanted to see me. But he knew full well that I wouldn't be able to make it. And then after that appointment I had made plans to go on a walk. And all of a sudden when be seen i had got there (insta stories) he had another window of opportunity to see me but couldn't as I was walking, and I was a let down again.

I guess it is just confusing me and a bit game playing maybe. I don't think I can even be arsed if I'm honest but I'm just looking for people's opinions on why men do this?

OP posts:
StephenBelafonte · 08/11/2020 13:43

It's usually married/coupled up men that do this.

Have you done your due diligence? checked he's single?

SpideyMom · 08/11/2020 13:46

He is defo single. We are involved in the same group so his definitely single

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cushioncovers · 08/11/2020 13:51

He's enjoying the flirting/game but doesn't actually want to take it further. ?

StephenBelafonte · 08/11/2020 13:52

I think if he wanted to date you he'd carve out some time to do so, sorry Sad

WitchesSpelleas · 08/11/2020 13:54

It's a cliche but - he's just not that into you.

If a man is genuinely interested in you, he will go out of his way to spend time in your company.

ChristmasFluff · 08/11/2020 13:55

Yeah, he's enjoying the ego stroke and the mind games.

follow your instincts and bin him. Why do people do this? Because they are selfish twats. You don't want a twat for a boyfriend.

user1493413286 · 08/11/2020 13:55

It sounds like he’s enjoying the flirting and attention too but isn’t really sure about taking it any further than that, sorry

SpideyMom · 08/11/2020 14:00

No need for the apologies as I was feeling this too.

I dont let many people in my life, this he knows, but he is also aware I get alot of attention (thats sounds so cringey but I promise I don't mean it in a big headed way) and keeps pointing that out that I must be getting offers all the time.

So probably is an ego thing for him

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SpideyMom · 08/11/2020 17:50

So I told him its not for me and he asked, why?

Erm....Because I'm not into games

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throwaway10000 · 08/11/2020 17:53

Oooh, has he replied? Good on you

SpideyMom · 08/11/2020 17:59

He asked why I would want to stop. Nob!

Im very black and white, I hate stupid games. Its unnecessary

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Bunnymumy · 08/11/2020 18:01

Be very aware of people who suddenly need your attention when they know you are busy with soneine/something else. It can be a red flag for spotting narcissists and similar. They arent actually interested in you...they just want you to be interested in them (and this desperation can present as them being into you). Its really noticable when they think you areny sitting about thinking of them and so...suddenly need to do something about that.

Bunnymumy · 08/11/2020 18:01

*someone/something

SpideyMom · 08/11/2020 18:27

Interesting. Seems to have all the time in the world at the moment.

Sadly I'm used to game playing so im drawing the line under this one

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Alonelonelyloner · 08/11/2020 19:20

Good got you @SpideyMom

From the other side, my ex accused me of doing the same and when I really looked at my behaviour I realised that he was right.
I had since grown as a person and hopefully changed. It's unfair and unnecessary behaviour.

SpideyMom · 08/11/2020 19:25

How do you mean?

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