I once dated a man who did these things and I don’t recognise myself!

[Dreamees]

Thanks to MN I saw the light but fuck me, I can’t believe I even tolerated it. Favourite moments included:

Why doesn’t your make up stay on like his colleagues PAs did?
Why didn’t I have a tote bag like most women
Why didn’t I wear heels to work, I was weird I should want to look smart
Why didn’t I have wedge sandals
Went in a mood for 24 hours when I wouldn’t go topless on the beach
Hours and hours of silent treatment

Plenty more but all I can say is he did a great job of making me feel this was my fault.

So so so so happy he is out of my life. He tried to send me flowers on my birthday after I ended it. Sad bastard and mostly no, I don’t wish him well!

So glad you are out of this 😊

Wedge sandals? why?

Oh god. Imagine the poor woman who might be with him now. Glad you escaped. I wish mumsnet had been around when I too dated a twat in my 20s...

Negging arsehole. I've dated a couple of these. Toxic af. Good riddance!

Why didn’t I have wedge sandals

This has to be the funniest thing I've read today. Thank god you're away from that idiot.

Sounds familiar, fortunately I too am free from the negging bellend.

1. You should make the effort to make the best of yourself (ie wear lots of makeup and do your hair)
2. (The next day, after acting on his “advice”) you shouldn’t take so long to get ready!

Prick 😡😡😡

What’s funny (now, wasn’t then) is that he was and still is a massively overweight man. I could have been awful to him and mocked him and made him feel bad.

He was a terrible person, a bully.

The wedge sandals..fuck knows, probably saw them on love island.. the women there were supposed to be my role models. He clearly didn’t get the memo to follow then men on there!!!

Well done for recognizing it now OP. Hopefully be realizing these things we see bollox when we encounter it and don't stand for it.

Yes, thanks to Mumsnet, I now understand the behaviour of an ex. I didn't get the OP's fuckwittery, but some of it was totally headscratching till I got on here.

Lol annoyed as you didn’t go topless on the beach

@Doobiedooo
"wish MN was around when I dated a twat in my 20's"

Well said !! Me too !!
Wouldn't it be fun to be younger again, but with the mind and experience of an older, more cynical person?

I feel for you! I once went out with someone who didn’t like me to wear ankle crop trousers (when they were a thing), but this is the same person who supposedly booked flights to the same place I was going on a girls holiday - who does that? Clearly he didn’t use these ‘flights’ idiot. He was a complete nutter and I let take up 7 years of my life - both clearly idiots! I bumped into this said guy a few years ago and at nearly 40 he still hadn’t held down a relationship and just smoked weed...lucky escape!!!

Some men should always be single. He seems like one of them.

What happened to him OP? He sounds awful

@Dreamees

What’s funny (now, wasn’t then) is that he was and still is a massively overweight man. I could have been awful to him and mocked him and made him feel bad.

He was a terrible person, a bully.

The wedge sandals..fuck knows, probably saw them on love island.. the women there were supposed to be my role models. He clearly didn’t get the memo to follow then men on there!!!

😂😂 love this op . My ex used to be so mean to me . He would make up randomly in the middle of the night . Long enough for me to wise up and ask was everything ok , for him then to reply . You just don't do it for me no kore , I don't find you attractive. Your a fat c*unt, you got no fashion sense , I couldn't even wear certain shies if I was with him cause he said I looked like somone who belonged off Jeremy Kyle ! Now I loved Jeremy Kyle lol ! But if I was all these things why would he always kicks off if we went out saying how Everyman in the room would look at me if I walked in ect ect he would then go on to call me a slag

I'm in my early 20's and MN has opened my eyes to so many things that I would have tolerated and found completely 'normal' in a relationship. I didn't even know what negging was until I came on here.

And I think by wedge sandals he may have meant espadrilles which pretty middle-class housewives are often thought to wear, see Stepford Wives.

I remember being told by by now ExH that I was too old to be wearing a knee length denim skirt. I was late 30's. I then bought myself a silver toe ring (this was a quite a few years ago) and had some of those slightly cheesy boudouir type photos done - nothing saucy, just lots of make up and moodily lit. Actually, they were quite nice, not that I would have put them on the mantlepiece.

There were mutterings about this sort of thing being the sort of behaviour that might be exhibited by prostitutes.

It's so bizarre to remember those sort of comments and sentiments..

New DH thinks I'm gorgeous even though I am tubby and post menopausal.

@carreterra yep!!
@MuseumOfYou that’s such a lovely ending to yr message. Glad you’re with a kind man now. Mine is too. I can NOT believe what I put up with. Tho the OPs topless thing is gross. Esp perhaps given he was no Adonis. Maybe that’s the point. I was much better looking, more highly qualified, etc than my ex... and yet, and yet. I even did the pick me dance (term since learnt from mumsnet). Yuk! Here’s to knowing better, fellow grrrrrls.