Confusing messages

[Jaydante]

I broke up with a guy I was in love with earlier this year. I was heartbroken and ended up in counselling, deleted his number and didn’t contact him again. We broke up because I don’t think he was ready for a real mature relationship and wasn’t always nice to me.

For the past few months he’s contacted me pretty frequently. Just seems like he wants to chat then he goes all quiet for a while. I don’t always reply to him but if I do we just chat for a bit then it stops. Never talk about our relationship or meeting up (we can’t we are in lockdown anyway) but I am confused about it. I never text him first it’s on his terms. I know he’s insecure and stressed about some stuff and I think he might find me comforting. He remembers important things about me and asks me about them. I like this nice side of him, it’s what I fell in love with but also I don’t know what he wants from me. Does he just want to know I am interested but isn’t into me enough to put the effort in? What is this about?

I feel like I am worth more than this. I’m so frustrated by him sometimes. I feel like I have moved on enough that I am not in love with him anymore but I still miss things about him, and I miss how I felt when we were happy. It’s such a weird time right now I don’t know if he’s clinging onto a memory that’s gone. He messed up and hasn’t put it right, so he has no right to mess with me but from his side it’s such minimal effort what is he even getting out of it?

I don’t know what I am asking. The answer is to block and move on right? He hasn’t changed?

You already know that you need to delete and block him. He isn't really interested in you. If he was interested, he would declare it. He would beg for a second chance. He is keeping you as an 'option' because he knows how you feel about him and he knows you will put up with it. This is preventing you from moving forward with your life. He hasn't really changed. You know that. You deserve to free yourself from him and you deserve better. But you already know all this, don't you?

Yes. Shout “next” and stop picking up his crumbs.

You know that block button on your phone? Yes, hit it! You are worth so much more. Go and find Mr so much better.

The answer is to block and move on right?

Obviously.

He's simply fucking you about. Stop being a mug.

You are right I need to hear this. If he was sorry and wanted to put things right he wouldn’t just be asking me about my job right? It would be more than that. He doesn’t want me to move on because he hasn’t (his circumstances I think). It’s not good enough

One word: BREADCRUMBING. He’s keeping himself in your head so you won’t move on as easily, but he has no intention of anything more. Disengage and block.

What Lampan says: He’s keeping himself in your head so you won’t move on as easily, but he has no intention of anything more.
It's a manipulation tactic.
He feels he owns you still and gets in touch to see if yu respond. A bit like going though his cupboard to see if what he stocked there is still in place.
Go NO CONTACT and keep it that way.
Good luck.

Thanks. It’s helpful to see it this way. It’s always been him like this. He’s not very secure and I make him feel inadequate cos I have my shit together more than him so he enjoys unbalancing me I think.

He has been in a corner of my mind but the longer he’s dragged it out, the smaller the corner gets. I don’t know if he will react to being blocked but 🤷‍♀️

Move on. Having been someone’s back up for years o can tell you for sure that moving on and building your self esteem is the way to go. Don’t put your happiness in his control.

Block him OP. You deserve to be able to move on with your life, if he was a nice person he wouldn't stand in the way of that.

I have a breadcrumbing thread on here. It's so similar, you think because they are in touch they care. They don't care enough though. I've got lots of helpful advice on there.