Emotional affair? Friendship?

[Moirasrose]

On social media I’m part of a lot of groups. One group is centred around a particular county that we go to on holidays. I commented on a man’s post looking for recommendations for a walk as he’d posted about a particular walk he’d gone on. He messaged me and we’ve started chatting more regularly. We talk about our families, nature, nice walking spots but I’m beginning to wonder if maybe this isn’t a good idea. I haven’t mentioned it to my dh as I don’t think he’d be overly happy about it. The chats are just friendly chats, we exchange nature pictures of where we live and chat about the walk we’re taking our dogs on but I can’t help wonder if this isn’t a good idea. Am I crossing a line?

Can you take it or leave it?
Or do you get a flutter of excitement when you see he has messaged you?

Yes, anything that you’re not happy to share with your significant other is crossing a line. If it wasn’t you’d be happy to share.

It’s nice chatting to him. I’ve struggled to make friends in the area we’ve moved to but I wouldn’t be too fussed if he disappeared and I didn’t hear from him again.

@Namechangedforthisoct2 do you mean the content of the chat or just that I haven’t mentioned that I’m chatting to him?

@Namechangedforthisoct2

Yes, anything that you’re not happy to share with your significant other is crossing a line. If it wasn’t you’d be happy to share.

Totally this 💯

@Moirasrose both!
The fact you’re talking to him and the content

I’m happy to share all that I share with the guy I chat to to my dh but he’s not that interested.

Sounds more like a friendship to me from what you've said.

You wouldn't be disappointed if you didn't hear from him again. No flutters of excitement.

Sounds like you may be a bit lonely in a new area with dh who isn't that interested. You aren't hiding your chats because you feel they're inappropriate, it sounds like you haven't told dh because you think he wouldn't be interested. That's quite a distinction to me.

How often do you and the om contact each other? How long has it been going on for?

We chat a couple of times a day on messenger. We’ve only been chatting about a month or so as he gave me a couple of holiday recommendations. Dh wouldn’t be remotely into what we chat about so I can’t really share with dh as he wouldn’t be interested. I’ve tried before but he’s not really interested in having a conversation about it as he’d rather do something else.

Just an query, are you conscious of your husband seeing these message when they arrive? Do you delete them? If the answer is no, you don't have anything to worry about and it's just a friendship.

Due to the lack of butterflies and flirtation I think that it’s a friendship...... at the moment. I feel that it could tip over into something more because you seem lonely and your DH sounds detached, which makes you vulnerable to an emotional affair. I think that your marriage could be in trouble if you don’t talk to your DH about how you’re feeling (you don’t need to mention the man).

If you haven't told your DH and don't want to, then it's an emotional affair, I think.

It's certainly a threat to your marriage, because it's a secret, involving a man.

Of course it's an emotional affair.
Your kidding yourself that just because the content of the chat is something your husbands not interested in , it's okay .
Have you actually told your husband that you chat to a guy 2/3 times a day on messenger ?
I doubt very much you would be messaging a female that you have only known for a month 2/3 times a day .
A man has shown a bit of interest in you and you want more .
Sounds like you need to concentrate on the emotional connection in your marriage rather than looking for it elsewhere.
You are messing with your marriage and being very unfair to your husband .
I wonder how you would feel if your husband was messaging another woman 2/3 times a day and said it was because you're not interested ?

@neonjumper thanks for your comments. I’ve told my husband we’ve been chatting and he didn’t seem massively interested but maybe you’re right that it’s best left. I’m not looking for an affair or particularly attention, this guy wouldn’t be filling an emotional gap but I’m aware that these things can easily slide into something more.