Partner's never raring to go.

[Orangeclub1]

I am not perfect as I have long term anemia and I am abit up and down. Currently being investigated but as covid has slowed everything it's going to take ages. my partner works full time and earns a wage where we can manage ok and life is normally good. Although this year money's down.

He does a tiny bit around the house after work. Which is hit and miss. But fair enough as in here full time. Although with young children it's not easy to be focused on chores all day and I struggle to keep up with three naturally messy people (my partner being one!)

I sometimes have most things done. Then other times like today. Both kids rooms are trashed. Downstairs is trashed. Washings clean but I can't put it away because wardrobe bar fell down. It's on partner's list of things to do.

Partner also sleeps downstairs alot. He snores and I think he just chooses to do it to not disturb everyone.

This morning DD goes down. I get a long message from a friend who's baby has been in hospital. Partner comes up. Gets in the bed. I said just give me five minutes to concentrate on this message. Then I noticed his eyes are shut. He's tired. Fair enough in some ways. Then my DD comes up begging him to play. He won't and tells her hes tired. Then he says he's got a niggly tummy. I swear every weekend he has a headache or a tummy ache. Or he's tired.

So I've got up and there's of housework. He's going to be in bed now for ages. I'm stressed out because I really wish he would get up and get on with things!

I'm so fed up of living seperate lives based on exhaustion and growth issues. Sometimes it is me. But I mostly power through.

I am going to get us all ready I think. Leave the housework and go have a nice walk with the kids.

Just wondered if anyone else is with a man like this. I wouldn't mind but I know full well he's awake until the early hours dossing on Netflix instead of sleeping. So half his trouble is he's getting 2-3 hours less sleep than he could be getting.

So many typos

Health issues not growth issues

I'm here that should say too.

It sounds like you have a classic case of "man avoiding responsibilities". He'll be taking up cycling next.

You're a SAHM. He works full time. You have 2 small children. You have anaemia. It sounds like you are both run down & tired. I sympathise. I'm through it now but remember how relentless this phase is.
Try not to have the 'who is the more tired' argument. Agree together that it is tiring & relentless.
Then have a proper chat. Be honest that you are struggling and the house is getting you down. That you need all the effort to be 50/50.
That watching Netflix half the night is leaving you unsupported with children next day.
Let some things that don't matter slide and share everything else that's essential.

Your partner's prioritising Netflix (or porn) over your children. No wonder he's tired. He is unwilling to make simple lifestyle changes which would benefit everyone around him. Also sounds like he's disengaged from family life and could be depressed.

Put it this way. My husband has chronic tiredness. Still in bed now. It drives me nuts. He's arranged a blood test to investigate (finally) and we together, do a 15m tidy at the end of the day because he knows it's hard at other times. Frustrating but he's mindful of it

He's not one of those people that has to be sicker or more tired or more stressed than you all the time is he?

You know the sort that instead of caring that you are sick (and FOR you when you are sick), tells you that infact, they are sicker.

How old are the kids? Are they at school/ nursery? If they are old enough to trash them are they old enough to take responsibility for tidying them?

If he can't be bothered to do any cleaning after working full time then that's fair enough but he shouldn't expect you to do his share too. He'll have to pay for a cleaner for a few hours per week.

He's still in bed now. I've been for a long walk. Done washing etc. Going to try tackle upstairs.

Kids are 2 and 5. They do tidy up to an extent but it's actually out faults as we need to start keeping all toys apart from a small amount upstairs. Waiting for the miracle day partner helps me do this too as it's a heavy toy box and their bedrooms need a good sort.

He's a good dad and stuff but I must admit it all feels like we do our own thing 99% of the time.

I was quite poorly for 4 months at the start of the year. I was level 22 for vitamin D. My ferritin was just 6. So I was really weak. I've had a hard time but I'm trying to hard to keep going.ive been alot better the last two months and I'm so used to the pattern of my symptoms I have even learned to carry on when I'm feeling sick. Because I know now it's a part of whatever is happening.

I think I am pisses off that he lays down and dies with me. When I was needing to rest in bed he usually sat downstairs mucking about with the kids. maybe washed up. But the place would be a tip.

He's got no idea about doing a general tidy up and keeping up with the actual washing and toys etc.

Leaves his clothes behind the bathroom door. Trainers in the room. Never encourages toys to be put away. If I go for a bath after having the kids all day he just let's them continue playing. Never gets them tidying.

My five year old has a good go now at tidying.

It's the same with the garden. Things could do with a freshen up. Pressure washing etc. He never has a plan to do those things.

He does alot in regards to work. Being there for the kids. He will take them for a walk and ice cream. He's always done nappies etc.

I find our family set up dull. I had feelings for a man I barely knew a few months ago. Nothing even developed. But it could have. I sometimes see how things are and realise why I was thinking of another man and considering how far I would go if the opportunity came. I'm not a bad person. But I'm sick to death of this situation.

To put it in perspective I had 3 small children & leukaemia so I do get what you are going through. During that period DH cooked, worked, washed, did childcare, got no sex.
Your DH is not supporting you enough at the moment.

Tidying & cleaning sometimes has to be let go though during difficult times IME.

If he snores and has sleep apnoea then he will not be getting good quality sleep and may be tired even if not watching netflix. The key thing is he has to do something about it..its bot great quality of life for either of you. Referrals will be affected by covid but starting with gp is the first step..they will ask screening questions to decide on referral to ENT. Record him snoring if you can as it will help

This is a rubbish way to live. I work full time and go to bed at the very latest at 10.30 pm that way I have enough energy to get through the day and do something nice or fun in the evenings (I'm 60).
If he stays up that late watching netflix I simply do not know how he gets through the day!!
He needs to get into a proper pattern of sleep and waking and then get investigated for sleep apnoea.
If he won't do this it could be a deal breaker, it also sounds like he is bored of family life and makes excuses to avoid it.
You know you cannot go on like this and you are wasting the best years of your life.
You need to have a conversation possibly counselling before it's too late.
I stayed up until 2am once and was totally fucked the next day. He needs a routine.

I suspect if he's sleeping on the sofa, the quality of sleep he actually gets is pretty poor. DH snores and occasionally sleeps on the sofa but it's only to help me sleep - he then suffers and is pretty exhausted the next day.

However, when you're a parent, staying in bed all morning isn't really an option unless it's agreed or a fair trade with your partner. He needs to get his arse out of bed and contribute to family life.

If he wants a lie-in over the weekend I think that's fine, but only one day each week, and after that, he needs to get up, be present and do his fair share. Parenting isn't just playing with the kids and changing nappies - he needs to contribute to the daily running of the house as well.

Sounds like you need to sit down and have a proper chat about how you feel and where you see things going in the future.

I've not long ended my long term relationship and some of your story resonates with me. We don't have children though and I'm not unwell.

He was always very much the night owl. On weeknights he stayed up until 12-1am watching TV and/or having drinks then struggles to wake up for work.

At weekends it's more like 3am with lots but he'd sometimes fall asleep on the sofa. In the morning I'd be up, away to the gym, get ready and be raring to go out and enjoy the day come lunchtime. He'd still be in bed or, at a push, in a lazy heap on the sofa. Our sex life suffered so much too because at night he'd drink a lot as it was how he wanted to enjoy himself and then he'd be too tired and asleep in the mornings. We just weren't compatible anymore.

I made my peace with the fact I can't change him and that we've grown apart over time due to differences in how we want to live. I feel a massive weight has been lifted.

I realise it might not be so easy for you having kids and that you would likely want to sort things out. I don't have the answers after years of trying to find them in my own relationship.

It must be so much harder with kids and I'm sending you positive vibes. Maybe a chat to ask him why he does it and to help him see how it's affecting family life? Maybe couples counseling to talk in a neutral space? I hope you find the answers!