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Relationships

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Original poster

Do you fantasize about others when in a relationship ?

27 replies

Strictlysilly · 06/11/2020 22:57

Hi there, I've been in a relationship for over 8 years and we have a very good sex life but i think about other men and feel a bit restless about the thought of not sleeping with anyone else again. Is this normal to have thoughts about other men? I would never act on these and love my oh.

OP posts:

heyday · 06/11/2020 23:56

I think it would be very strange and unrealistic if you didn't fantacise about other men from time to time. As long as you don't try to act out these fantasies with other men then what's the harm?

AlmostAJillSandwich · 07/11/2020 01:24

No, i do not fantasise about anyone but my partner, i'd feel like a cheat if i did.

liky · 07/11/2020 03:09

I would say what you are describing is normal. The seven year itch is real for me!

Notapheasantplucker · 07/11/2020 03:40

No, i do not fantasise about anyone but my partner, i'd feel like a cheat if i did.

Slightly dramatic..
it's just a thought? Like Pp said, if you don't act any of this out in real life, I don't really see the problem.

Unless you're imagining shagging your FIL...now that would be gross

StarlightLady · 07/11/2020 03:45

Yep!

OzziePopPop · 07/11/2020 03:59

Sometimes, sure. They’re usually imaginary/made up/book boyfriends/famous people I’ve never met though. I’d feel odd thinking about anyone I/we knew!

Windmillwhirl · 07/11/2020 04:41

No, but if I did I wouldn't feel like a cheat.

Quirrelsotherface · 07/11/2020 06:48

Following with interest as have been thinking along similar lines recently. Love my DH and have a very contented life but I do think about other men in that way and it confuses me massively.

CoffeeCupz · 07/11/2020 07:10

Following here too, I love my partner of 8 years but suddenly past months have Began think of another man/ fantasize...

Dery · 07/11/2020 07:28

Some people do only have eyes for their partner but I think what you describe is quite normal. I have passing crushes on other men. As PP have said - it’s what you do about it that counts.

The way I see it: wedding vows would hardly be necessary if everyone else ceased to be attractive once you were in a committed relationship. Part of a loving committed relationship is that you may have these feelings from time to time but you don’t act on them. I also assume that whoever I was with long-term - I would periodically be attracted to other people. So this is not about my DH but simply a factor of long-term relationships. But what I do know is that in 20+ years, I have never wished that I was with that other man instead of my DH and that is the key point I think. If you don’t wish to be with these other men instead of your partner then I don’t think you have anything to worry about.

Crystal87 · 07/11/2020 07:33

No I don't. Maybe it's normal for some but I genuinely don't pay attention to other men.

sunsalutations · 07/11/2020 07:38

Yep. And I enjoy a bit of a flirt and banter, but would never go further than that

Boonlark · 07/11/2020 07:54

Could it be that you're polyamorous?

Angrymum22 · 07/11/2020 07:56

Yes, I have always fantasised. I don’t need to fantasise about DH because he’s usually right next to me.
I fantasise about winning the lottery, throwing wild parties, travelling to far flung places, probably will never be anything but fantasy. Escaping to my fantasy world has been a godsend this year. I do feel sorry for people who live continuously in the real world. Apparently not everyone’s brain does fantasy.

Branleuse · 07/11/2020 07:57

I fantasise about all sorts of things, but it depends what you mean. If I was fantasising about someone else because it was the only way I could get horny then id wonder if the relationship wasnt going to last the distance

WitchOfTheWest · 07/11/2020 08:16

@sunsalutations

Yep. And I enjoy a bit of a flirt and banter, but would never go further than that

Me too! 10 years together but always fantasise about other men. And I flirt. With everyone! Never anything in it, just the way I am. Husbands aware and not bothered by it.

Vodkatonic8 · 07/11/2020 08:26

Yes I do. Currently the object of my fantasy is my Next delivery driver!

movingonup20 · 07/11/2020 08:26

I don't fanaticise being with anyone else but we can all look at the eye candy on tv - realised this week Gethin Jones in on daytime tv each morning, worth getting up for (gainfully unemployed at present)

Zolaanna · 07/11/2020 09:02

I adore my husband, we are in a happy healthy relationship and very satisfied. I have dreams about other men though and I sometimes fantasise about being single again but this is probably because I have my own flat and did as I please and could do a wee in peace
Fantasies are totally normal, it's you imagination and they can create amazing things like art, novels etc
The difference is I don't want to act on my fantasy.

TiggerDatter · 07/11/2020 10:13

Very rarely in a 30 year relationship that ended in divorce, never in current 2 year relationship. I don’t fantasise about anything really, I live in the here and now. But I don’t think fantasising is anything to worry about necessarily

brokencrayons · 08/11/2020 03:35

I’m in weird sexless marriage and have only
Just got my libido back after 12 years. DH not interested in sex now so I do find myself thinking about other men ( one in particular) on a regular basis. I would never ever ever act on it though. It’s sad

Original poster

Strictlysilly · 08/11/2020 16:30

Thanks everyone feel a bit more normal, the current thoughts are about my married boss

OP posts:

Trumpyouredone · 08/11/2020 17:04

Married boss is a fairly common fantasy I think!

JurassicParkAha · 08/11/2020 17:08

I will notice other men and think them attractive but never fantasise about them. The only time I did was when I was much younger, 24, and knew then I had to end things because I wasn't ready to be tied down. Since then I've had many fun single years of dating/sleeping around/experimenting/having really hot, naughty sex etc - so don't crave the excitement or feel restless in relationships now. Certainly not my current one. I was with my exH for 6 years and even at the end, when things were on the rocks I never fantasised about other men, even though I worked with some VERY good looking ones. To me, the minute I start actively fantasising is when I know there's a problem.

I do notice this with some of my friends who haven't sowed their wild oats as such and suddenly meet some man who sparks desires they never even knew they were capable of. And I think it is a slippery slope then, especially if it's someone you know vs a celebrity you'll never meet. Maybe try to spice up your sex life with your partner?

Original poster

Strictlysilly · 08/11/2020 17:37

@JurassicParkAha

Theres not anything wrong with our sex life apart from frequency, two young children doesn't help lol. I know i wouldn't feel the same if anything was to actually happen and the thought makes me feel disgusted. I defintely was no virgin before i met him also

OP posts:

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