His behaviour creeping me out

[Tinkerbe11a]

Background:

I work in retail and before the first lockdown 2 x managers left and it meant I needed cover on 2 of my days off, so a manager from another store was sent over. I spoke to him via telephone and email for handovers etc but then things got complicated when he filled in a risk assessment for my store which didn't make sense so I whatsapped him when he didn't pick up my call a couple of days later.

We then started chatting when we went into lockdown and it was all about work because we knew almost the same people - we have quite a lot of stores all over the world. Soon after, it started becoming creepy when he would say things like "I missed you today" or "I cant stop thinking about you... I have never met this man in my life so I was slightly taken about with his comments and stopped talking to him. I did stay in contact because again, we know the same people/work for the same company so it was easy to check in every now and again to ask if he knew something etc...

He's suddenly started messaging me almost everyday now and I ignore it, but he keeps messaging me. Ive tried giving him one worded answers and told him I'm busy etc but he says stuff like "I really want to see you" and I have no intention of meeting him EVER.

He's clingy and I just want him to bugger off. What should I do?

Tell him very clearly hes making you uncomfortable. Tell him he needs to stop or you will show his messages to HR

"stop sending me messages like this please; I'm not interested. "

Tell him he’s being inappropriate and unprofessional with his messages and he needs to stop. If he doesn’t take it higher.

Report it to HR Asap and let them deal with it.

You need to report him to HR immediately, that's what you do.

Keep the messages. Report to hr.

You need to be very clear with him. His messages are inappropriate and you are not interested. (No explanations no excuses and definitely no continued chat)
I would also be flagging this with HR now. And if he doesn't stop, ask the to follow their protocol for inappropriate work place behaviour.

'Look dude, you really need to stop messaging me. I'm clearly not interested and quite frankly, you're being innapropriate and creepy'.

Then block him.

He's probably bored and getting a kick out of it so stop replying, not even one word answers.

I would probably deal with this situation in quite a blunt but honest way like @Bunnymumy , but it might be best to stop replying and simply send them to HR to have a word with him. It shows low social skills, low inhibition, and no healthy sense of other people's boundries.

I think you need to contact HR. He's gone so far over the line without having ever met you. It's part of their role to keep the company safe from being sued or implicated in any inappropriate behaviour by keeping staff safe. They should want to support you on this for selfish reasons even if they don't want to for altruistic / moral ones! I would contact them to let them know what's going on and say you plan to send him a message to say something like "I don't wish to speak any more unless about urgent work business which you can contact me about through HR. Please do not contact me again directly." Then let them deal with him.

Why are you messaging on what's app? Is it your personal phone? Why didn't you continue with emails or if urgent a phone call?
I would show to HR in any case.

Oh god that’s awful op.
I’d just send a short and to the point message

(you’ve got your wires crossed somewhere, I am not romantically interested and have no intentions of ever meeting you, your messages are inappropriate and making me feel uncomfortable, please stop.)

If that doesn’t work it gives you good access to stop him, as that’s very clear.

Tell him to stop, give him the opportunity, then HR if that does not work.

Why are you messaging on what's app? Is it your personal phone? Why didn't you continue with emails or if urgent a phone call?

I wondered about this too. Is it a work phone/do you use WhatsApp for work/why does he have/need your personal phone number?

Message him (so there's a record of it) and tell him to stop being personal in his messages. Keep strictly to work matters or you'll have no option but to report him. If he does it again after that then report him immediately.

If it's your personal phone number, then just block him after that. It's too easy for others to gossip and misconstrue (& him to try and twist what's happening) if he's been given your personal number. Communicate via email in business fashion, and only when absolutely necessary.

Please don't put up with this. You're there to work and you've not shown interest in him beyond that so he's way out of order.

I would say 'while it's all very flattering I prefutlre to keep correspondence strictly profesional' and leave it at that.

I would definitely not say it's flattering!

Just say that you want your contact to remain professional and if he insists on sending inappropriate messages you will have to speak to HR

@Pesimistic

I would say 'while it's all very flattering I prefutlre to keep correspondence strictly profesional' and leave it at that.

Argh no, no, no! Don't say it's flattering! It's not flattering, it's inappropriate and making OP uncomfortable. A man who has so little sense of appropriate boundaries will translate"its flattering, but please stop" to "its flattering, but I need more convincing".

Agree about not saying it's flattering - he'll interlre that as "I like it really".

Instead message something like "all this contact outside of work isn't appropriate and I request you limit communication to work matters in working hours only in future."

Interpret!

@category12

Agree about not saying it's flattering - he'll interlre that as "I like it really".

Instead message something like "all this contact outside of work isn't appropriate and I request you limit communication to work matters in working hours only in future."

This fit for me is spot on. The fact is that you are colleagues and you would like communication to be business related and relevant to your place of work. That's it.