Pregnancy and relationship

[Bridget944]

My partner doesn't want our baby. I told him im keeping it. He said he still wants ro be with me but every time i try and talk about the baby he goes cold. He told me yesterday he does not want to attend the 12 week scan. Im willing to accept i may have to do this alone juat looking for advice expecially from any men on here husbands/boyfriends ect. Is it normal for a bloke to act like this at first or does he really hate me

Was it planned?

I don’t think it’s normal, no. If he doesn’t want you to have the baby and you’re definitely going ahead then I’d end it with him as you don’t want to spend your pregnancy around his negativity or rejection. Do you live together? How far along are you?

@AnneLovesGilbert It wasnt planned and we have only been together for 6 months. We dont live together but have spent nearly every day together up to until recently. I spoke about optioms with an abortion clinic and i decided i couldn't go through with it. He says the last thing he wants is a child with me. I feel awful and stuck but i have made uo my mind to defently keep the baby. We are both 25 years old x

Do you have friends or family you can lean on? Loads of people make amazing single mums, you’ll get good advice on here. I think I’d focus on ending the relationship and focusing on yourself and your pregnancy. He’ll have to pay child support once the baby is born but you don’t have to have anything to do with him between now and then. You can’t put him on the birth certificate unless he’s there at the appointment and it’ll be easier for you if he’s not on it. Obviously you’ll give the baby your name. I wouldn’t bank on him coming around and wanting to be part of your lives if he’s been clear he doesn’t want you to have the baby. So look after yourself, save every penny you can, talk to people you’re close to and trust for real life support. But ditch him. He’s bringing you down and pregnancy is a vulnerable time so you don’t need him around.

@Bridget944

My partner doesn't want our baby. I told him im keeping it. He said he still wants ro be with me but every time i try and talk about the baby he goes cold. He told me yesterday he does not want to attend the 12 week scan. Im willing to accept i may have to do this alone juat looking for advice expecially from any men on here husbands/boyfriends ect. Is it normal for a bloke to act like this at first or does he really hate me

'Is it normal for a bloke to act like this at first or does he really hate me'

I think it's strange to ask either of those questions. No, it certainly isn't normal, but it would be understandable for a man who genuinely doesn't want to have a child. No it doesn't mean it hates you. Why would you think that?! He just doesn't want to have a child.

He might hate you for going ahead with the pregnancy when he doesn’t want to be a dad. But neither of you has pulled the plug on the relationship and you can’t ignore the pregnancy for long.

OP, the relationship is over. It doesn’t really matter what you think of each other.

Back off from him, you’ve told him you intend keeping the baby, the next move, if it’s coming, is from him. The last thing you need now is a pregnancy full of seesawing emotion. If you are clear in your mind regarding your future, you need to focus on certainties, and he’s made it abundantly clear he definitely does not want a child. Good luck, I hope you have a supportive family network, to help and guide you.

He's actually told you that the last thing he wants, is to have a baby with you?
I think that pretty much m eans you're going to have to count him out of any involvement.
End it now, and save yourself a whole load of grief.
You can do it alone. It's tough at times, but a whole lot better than having some sulky, resentful partner that doesn't want to be included tagging along.

@AnneLovesGilbert i have my 12 week scan on friday! And not family no but i have a really good group of friends whonhave helped me a lot. I think everyone is right i do need to do this alone its just really hard to cut someone off who you thought you was happy with. But yes ive seen a different side to him now

Yes it will be difficult going it alone, but in time I wonder if you won’t learn to appreciate the freedom. Freedom from his sulks, moods, complaints, the guilt trips etc, I mean who on earth needs to live with this negativity in their lives which generally over time crushes a spirit. Enjoy these months preparing for the birth of your little one. Yes he certainly has shown himself. Move on, don’t be tempted to play the ‘what if’ game, you’ve more important things to be thinking of! Best wishes.