AIBU to want affection

[Fedorasarecool]

A bit of background. Married 35 years, four grown up offspring three of whom live at home, one is at Uni. DW is doing a degree but with the pandemic this is all online now. Prior to that she hasn't worked for 10 years apart from the occasional admin type role.

As a couple we are not affectionate at all and it is killing me. I know relationships change over the years but I know other couples who are still affectionate; a hug or cuddle, a brief touch of hands, kissing etc. We share a bed but might as well be in separate rooms.
DW knows how upset I feel but seemingly doesn't want to do anything about it.
When I try to discuss it her reaction is along the lines of "this is just another thing I have got to do". I wasn't aware that it was euch a chord and always thought it was something we both could get enjoyment/pleasure from.

I am in despair, I don't want to leave as I want to be there to support the "children" even though they are grown and either working or at Uni. I can't face the thought of years and years of this but don't know what to do.

Any advice would be appreciated.

I think it's totally reasonable to want to want to touch and cuddle your partner in a way you wouldn't with anyone else. You probably crave the intimacy that comes along with that. Are there any other issues in the relationship, issues that might make her feel less inclined to want to do this? She says it's just another thing that she has to do. Does she feel put upon a lot? Are there unresolved issues here. Do you think she is still emotionally attached to you?

I really think you should end the relationship. You get one life and deserve to have some intimacy and affection.

Have you told her how badly this is affecting you OP ? I realise we are in a lockdown situation but is there something you could do together on your own such as going for a walk for starters ? You have to work at relationships or they dry up don't they ?

Do you have a sex life at all?
I hope you aren't offended, but is it possible that any sign of affection she has shown in the past has led to expectations of sex from you?

Your post made me very sad. My parents have been married for more than 50 years and they are always affectionate with each other.

Life is very short, op, and you only get one shot at it. If you need to make a massive change, you should do it.

How do you think you got to the point that your wife thinks of sex as a chore? Evidently it's not something she gets much pleasure or enjoyment from, so why is that? What's the rest of the relationship like: do you make each other happy, could she have underlying resentments? What's the relevance of her not having paid work, why did you feel that needed mentioning?

Maybe some introspection about your relationship and sex life would give you some insight?

It might also be something hormonal going on or not going on, for her.