Gfs birthday

[grecianurn82]

I really need some unbiased opinions on this because i feel like I'm going crazy. Gf and I (also f) were in a relationship for 2 years. We split this time last year (she dumped me by text, no clear explanation given). We stayed friends and 2 months ago she asked could we try again, I had missed her so agreed. So today is her birthday. I've recently started a masters course, its mostly online due to Covid but 2 days a week are on campus and attendance is compulsary except for illness or exceptional circumstances. Gf works full time, finishes at 3 on Friday. I live 1.5 hours from college. I told her during the week i would take a half day (morning lecture was v important, afternoon not as much) and meet her at 3 when she finished work. She said she was dinishing early (11.30) so not to bother, she would see me tomorrow instead. All week she was distant and when i pushed it last night she admitted she was upset and disappointed that I hadn't taken the morning off to see her. I explained importance of the morning lecture and that i could see her later in the day. She said she had plans with her parents and also had to go to the dump. Shes been ignoring my texts all day. Am i unreasonable here? I genuinely couldn't miss that lecture, we're out on placement after Christmas in a really specialised field and it was placement related. I hate the silent treatment, my anxiety is through the roof with it.

Relationships are about appreciating each others priorities and compromising. It doesnt sound like shes very good at this.
How has the relationship been over the last 2 months?
I wouldn't say you were unreasonable, you made a compromise. She chose not to take it. I wouldnt say a dump trip was a priority. She's being a princess. Are you sure that this relationship is right for you? It sounds very one sided.

I wouldn't have expected my then BF on university to miss his job or an important lecture for my birthday. We celebrated in the evening. She should be considering your priorities as well as her own, instead she's treating you badly even though you've already compromised. Unless theirs a huge backstory missing I'd say the unreasonable behaviour is hers.

She’s a terrible girlfriend!

Why didn't you discuss why she dumped you last time at least before taking her back? She's treated you pretty shoddily to be quite honest. She sounds flaky and needy.

But then you seem a bit over invested yourself in someone who expects you to make all the compromises

Why are you allowing yourself to be treated this way?

Oh just don't bother with her. She just wanted a fuss for herself and not considering your commitments

@Graphista I have tried to discuss it but I get nowhere. She just kept saying she wasn't happy. I always have allowed myself to be treated badly in relationships. Ive had counseling on and off for years but it doesn't work. I end up back in this shitty cycle of always trying to please peopke but akways being made to feel as though I'm failing. I think my self esteem is basically zero (long story of childhood abuse, parental addiction etc) But i can't seem to break this cycle. I get so dependant on people I'm in relationships with (emotionally). To everyone on the outside i look like im doing amazing, I'm a single parent to 4 kids, 2 have autism, i work, i'm back in college...i look like I'm doing great. And then this happens and I'm an anxious wreck. I hate this part of myself but if years of counselling hasnt worked i don't knkw what else to do to fix it.

What you suggested was perfectly reasonable. She sounds selfish, demanding and difficult. I think you would be better off without her.

There’s nothing more emotionally exhausting than a partner who won’t tell you what you’re supposed to have done. I think if it had been me I wouldn’t have gone back with her as she didn’t even have the decency to tell me why she’d dumped me in the first place. This is no way to live OP, it’ll drain you and undermine your self esteem. She’s not a good girlfriend and this isn’t a healthy relationship.

I’d ask if she’s my ex but we only broke up recently.She was also one for going funny then telling me off this week for something that happened last month. Breaking up was a relief TBH. I can’t deal with that level of complication in a relationship.