I need help.

[GingaNinja14]

I really need help understanding why I'm feeling like this. I have 3 children and I live with their dad. We've been together for about 8 years and the past few ive never felt more alone. I just don't feel like I want to connect with him or my children. For years he has neglected our sex life, he used to cum in a few seconds & leave me feeling used. He doesn't plan anything and when he does buy me even the littlest of gifts, it's because I've suggested it. He's very stuck in his ways & wakes up to just live. He never had any goals or exciting plans. It's always me that thinks of them. Now, he is 100% trustworthy. He's helpful around the house & all round calm person. I just don't understand why I'm not attracted to him in the same way. I'm in my 20's & I feel like I've wasted my life. I want so much more.
I had this old colleague message me & he is showing me more attention than I get from my partner. Even when my partner does show me some, I just don't feel like it's true or he's just saying it because I've mentioned it. He moved out once but it didn't last long because his mum & dad make me feel like s*it so he come back. I feel giddy & happy when I get attention elsewhere but not from him? I don't know if I want to split up or not. To be truthful, it's like I want my cake & eat it. I want him because it's easier but I also want to keep talking to others. I cant understand why I'm feeling so down & anxious all the time. Sorry for the long post but I feel like my head is ready to pop.

It sounds to me like he doesn't treat you like a woman, he doesn't want to romance you or make you feel special. Why wouldn't you have lost all interest? Unless he wants to change then you'll never be happy

OP, what was he like in the early days, before the kids? Has he always been dull, selfish in bed and neglectful, or is this a change?
What I’m getting at is this - if he’s never been any different, then that is who he is, and it’s unlikely he will change or improve. But if he’s just got a bit ground down by the routine of life with kids, made worse by lockdown, then he may be salvageable.
Sex is the easiest thing to fix - simply show him what you like and need in the way of fore play, and use the squeeze technique to prolong intercourse and stop his premature ejaculation, plus teach him how to give you an orgasm manually or orally if he does finish first. It’s no good expecting him to mind read, or to realise you are not satisfied - you need to communicate.
Communication is vital in every other area of your marriage too. Discuss with him how you would like things to change. Try to put this in a positive way - “I’d love it if you did more of X” rather than “I’m pissed off that you never do any Y”.
And try not to fall into the easy trap of fancying another man! The grass is always greener, etc. If you ran off with the other man, you’d just end up washing his socks and bored with him too, eventually. Have a look at your life and try to make it more satisfying - take up a hobby, learn a new skill, study for a qualification, go for a promotion at work. Don’t let life just be a treadmill of kids and chores.

Sorry I forgot to mention that he hasn't always been like this. It started after our 2nd child. She's now 7! I've had multiple conversations with him about how I feel & what I want but it falls on death ears. I couldn't count the amount of times I've seen my backside about it. The only thing he done was buy Viagra & he would suggest planning sex. Who wants to plan sex??? I'm in my 20's, I want it randomly. As always it was great at first. Really used his iniative but now I have to make the decisions. I'm losing myself & wasting my most precious years as I'm getting very close to the 30's

Sorry no advice OP I'm in a very similar boat. Together 14 years though. The past 2 ish years he's been less affectionate, sex is boring and mechanical, he doesn't flirt with me anymore or treat me like a woman either. Stopped kissing me and going down on me. It's just in and out sex or oral for him, sometimes he touches my breasts or down there of his own accord - wow it sounds really bad written down. Most of all there's just no intimacy or chemistry like we used to have anymore and I miss that more than anything. Frequency has decreased although he still initiates. He has some degree of ED. It feels dead in the water and I get really down about it. I'm only 33. He is 42.

I'm sorry I don't know what to suggest. Going down the other man route just to fill that void is tempting but I am holding strong and staying away from anyone who gives me attention as I know it's wrong and no happiness could ever come of that.

Maybe the advice above to be clear on what you want will help. For me, he's known me long enough, he knows what I want and like, I've stopped asking cause it's just excuses and he obviously doesn't want to.

Argh. Never thought I'd be in this situation. We were always all over each other for years.

I hope you get a solution.

So, you meet a man with premature ejaculation, who has neglected you for years and you decide he's the one to settle down and have 3 kids with while still young! Surprise, surprise, your bored now and vulnerable to having affairs.
You make it sound as if he's always been the way he is. He's unlikely to change, but your best option is to tell him outright what you are not happy with and let him know it's serious enough that you are thinking of leaving him. Then the ball is in his court, he will address it, or not.

Ok, so just seen your later post. If you've been together for 8 years, and your 2nd child is 7, your first child came very early on in the relationship. Too much too soon?This relationship may well have burnt out by itself if you didn't have kids.
Counselling, could be an option, you've got lots to sort through.