A big pickle - a bit long apologies

[howoldamI01]

I am struggling badly at the moment and could really do with some ideas.
I am in a relationship with a man (we are both late 50's) and have been on and off for the last nearly 4 years. We met online and although we are both from UK he lives abroad in Europe. I made a few trips over to him and decided to move to him as it seemed a lovely life, and if you can, why not.
Initially he was lovely but as time went on of course the real man started to appear, bad temper, drink problem and narcissistic. I returned to UK and for a while cut all ties with him. But he got in touch again saying he had done a lot of work on himself and was a changed man. So again we spent time together and yes he seemed much changed. So in August this year I returned to him thankfully only with a suitcase of my things.
Of course as time has gone on again his true colours have surfaced. He is totally obsessed with the Covid situation and the (as he sees it ) injustice of it all. He spends hours on FB trying and if I try to offer a different opinion to his I get shouted down, but he calls me darling in the same sentence which feels even more of a put down. Whatever I say I can never be right.
And he is drinking again and becomes someone who just wants a fight.
Its taken me this long to get to the point where I know this is enough, I am worth more than this and to be alone is 10000% better than with him but because of the situation I cant just leave. I have to live with him and pretend everything is good as I have nowhere to go. I am in a country where we have curfew and are lockdowned to the village we live in.
The only hope I have of getting away from him at the moment is that we return to UK hopefully early december to quarantine before seeing our families, and after that I will not return with him.
I dont really know what I am asking here but suppose just some support, and hope that I can get home to my family. Then I will feel safe. I am not in physical danger but the mental pressure is really getting to me.
I know when I dont have to stand up to him on a constant daily basis I will be able to finally break the ties.

What an awful situation . Are you sure you can't leave earlier? I would have thought there were exceptions for travelling back home even if you have to quarantine when you arrive?

You've always been able to return home, I don't think you should be dependent on him any more.. Make enquiries and get back to your family.

If you can't get back until
December smile and nod.

Keep safe until you are back in the uk.

Then run.

Hope you are ok.

I don't understand why you say you can't return home now.

There's no problem moving back to the UK now

www.connexionfrance.com/Practical/Your-Questions/France-lockdown-Can-we-return-home-to-UK-from-France

As with all journeys or any time you leave the house, you will need to download/write out an attestation exemption form.

Travel is not banned under the lockdown, especially if you are trying to return home to your country of origin or permanent residence. You have the right to leave France to return home

Buy a ticket and get the hell out of there, op.

As others have said, just leave - travelling may involve some inconvenience now but it’s not impossible, plus this is you going home, not on holiday.

As other pp have asked, are you sure you can't leave? You don't say where you are in Europe but I have friends who live in France where a fairly stringent 'lockdown' is in place, but have returned to UK. They just had to quarantine in the UK. Good luck and I hope you can get back sooner.

It's an abusive relationship, you can leave an abuser.

Thanks for all the replies.
There are no flights from here (Eastern Europe) to UK and to travel to another countries airport I would need a car which is why it is difficult to leave.
Also if we drive back I can bring all my things which I really want to do.
But I feel much better reading your comments that I am allowed to return home, I think I can do as suggested till then, nod and agree to keep the peace.
Thanks again, to be heard means a lot.

Who is we?
Pack the suitcase you brought with you and leave.
Take a bus or train if you have to.

What you can also do is....

Take undercover steps to avoid him. Cooking big meals. Taking long walks and long hairwashing baths. Try to be in any other room than him. Go to bed early and read books.

If cornered into conversation, listen, say little and agree. Dont be yourself and truthful, slide out from all disagreements to avoid arguments.

And prepare behind his back. Do you have an emergency way of ringing for help, know where you live? Could your bags be packed in a hurry, passport, medication, keys for uk house etc? Is there a British embassy there whose number you could get hold of just in case?

You may well be fine. If you work to avoid all confrontation, the month could slide by uneventfully but equally his drinking means he may be volatile so knowing your 'out' options seems like a good idea xxx

Thanks again.
I have begun to put plans in place, My friends and family in UK are aware of situation and on hand to help if I need.
I have taken some of my things to a friend to box up and return to me in the UK so its not obvious that Im leaving and not coming back!
I am just saying yes/no as required and avoiding all conflict although the drink is a big problem but I stay sober so the situation doesn't deteriorate too much!
If I don't sit with him in evenings it causes a problem as he says in a little boy voice 'don't you love me any more?' so again to keep peace I do, but I go running or walking every day and yoga also for my own sanity, health and wellbeing. And this makes a huge difference to how I feel.
I have downloaded the return to UK form, thanks for that as I was not aware I had to do this. I will now watch the UK Gov site more closely.
Feeling slightly beaten but optimistic and hopeful!