Fuck. I see it so often on here and honestly didn't think it would have been me! The last couple of days I've had this weird insecure feeling, have had it randomly the last few months. I've never been the type to snoop but tonight I noticed a girls name on his whatsapp recent messages when he opened it beside me. I hadn't ever heard him mention this girl so I looked on his facebool friends list and it became clear it's an ex of his.
He got drunk (he's an alcoholic) and passed out so I checked his messages, at first was upset to see messages where he was saying how much he missed her etc, however these messages dated back to earlier in the year when we had a bit of a break during lockdown, but there was one today (she messaged him first asking how he was and he replied with a picture of himself saying he'd just had his hair cut, he then asked for a picture of her saying 'wanna see your face'.
I was preparing myself to talk to him in the morning and see what he had to say for himself but decided to delve deeper and found countless other messages, mainly starting when we had our break but some continuing after we made up. There was also a recent one to one of his female friends saying that he loved her and wanted her, that was just back in august just after we'd come back from a holiday together. I know the messages were all sent when he was drunk (he had messages the next day for each one apologising and saying how rough he felt) but i don't fucking care, it's no excuse. He's a functioning alcoholic so if this is what he does drunk then it's just gonna continue.
I've packed up all my things and left. He was passed out so didn't even notice the noise when I was taking away the drum kit and fucking furniture I bought (am I fuck leaving anything for him). I screenshotted all the messages so I have them. Was very tempted to send the girls something, notbing blaming them but just sending the screenshots of all the other messages that he was sending at the same time. Decided not to because I want to hold my head up high (i did hide the tv and playstation remotes behind the sofa though!).
Sorry this is all a bit of a rant but I have been up all night and am currently sitting in a flat I bought and have been renovating, literally sitting in the dog's bed because there's nothing else here, and just needed to vent and speak to someone. Hoping there's mumsnetters up at this time.