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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

shall I tell him how I feel?

1 reply

reddaisy12 · 05/11/2020 23:36

Hi everyone! Long time lurker first time poster.
I was speaking to a guy over text for a while, who I met once before through friends. We clicked instantly. He’s so easy to talk to it was refreshing, and we are very similar in a lot of ways. Similar interests, hobbies, music tastes and outlooks. We became pretty flirty and it was obvious we both liked each other. We laughed so much when on the phone and FaceTime. We planned meeting up and arranged ideas etc.
About a month or two ago, we were chatting about travel and it came up that we both have plans to travel the world early next year for a while. A few days later, he tells me he really likes me but he knows we are both going to be swanning off around the world for the next few years. He said he doesn’t want either of us to get hurt/start something before we inevitably piss off as soon as we can. He was really apologetic and didn’t want to do it to me. It made sense to me - we may not in a position for anything long term and as horrible as it was, we both agreed. Since then, we have barely spoken.

But fast forward 3-4 weeks later and I can’t help but feel I let a good one go. I’ve also now realised that there’s no chance either of us are flying anywhere until at least this time next year Grin he was just such a laugh, really lovely and refreshing and I actually really miss talking to him. I really want to tell him and just say it doesn’t matter, we have lots of time before travelling and we could just see how it goes, I’d rather talk to him than not talk to him. But I’m so scared to tell him how I feel and scared of rejection.
I know some people will say oh don’t bother, he would have been in touch if he was bothered, but I haven’t been either!! I just feel like I’ll never know if I don’t say anything (and he could feel the same, who knows).

Any advice?

OP posts:
IJustWantSomeBees · 06/11/2020 09:32

I know some people will say oh don’t bother, he would have been in touch if he was bothered, but I haven’t been either!! I just feel like I’ll never know if I don’t say anything (and he could feel the same, who knows).

Honestly I think you've answered your own question OP, even though it's not one we want to hear when in positions such as this.

By saying you'll 'see how it goes' you would be giving him the green light to see the relationship as purely casual, no strings attached and I don't think he would go into it properly considering it having the possibility of becoming serious. If you're ok with that then go ahead, but if it is a committed relationship you're looking for I think you will end up getting hurt by doing this.

I know it's an old, traditional view of dating but I really do think it is true that if a man is interested in you he will show it. They don't often bother themselves with 'what ifs', they prefer to shoot their shot. He broke it off and hasn't been in contact since, I think this shows that he's not interested in anything serious.

Enjoy your travels when you do get to go, swanning of around the world sounds amazing!

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