OH snooping through girls Facebook profiles.

[MandB23]

AIBU?
Ive recently learnt that my husband snoops through the profiles of young, attractive girls.
We are in our early 30’s and these girls are all around 18-20.
I feel uncomfortable with this and actually it’s really knocked me.
I’m just wondering if I’m being daft?
I know we all like a nosy on Facebook but there’s something a bit odd about what he’s doing. He doesn’t snoop through anyone else’s profile. Just young attractive girls.
If I reverse the roles - I can’t imagine doing it.
But this is coming from a place of insecurity as the relationship isn’t great so I just wanted to see if anyone else thought this was odd/worrying?

Why do you consider for one minute you’re being daft? Do you have any other explanation as to why this would be considered ok to do?

Who are they? Does he know them?

I assume these are celebs, rather than people you know? If their profiles are public it's not really snooping, is it?

If all he does is enjoy looking at pictures of attractive young women then I'd say that's fairly harmless.

No, they are just random girls that he doesn’t know. I guess who he sees from friends of a friend.
I just find it strange.
If I reverse the roles - would I go searching for pictures of 18 year old boys in their swim shorts? No, I wouldn’t.
I feel really uncomfortable about it. Like uneasy.
We have daughters. I dunno. Like I’m a few years time when my daughter brings her friends home, is he gonna be leaching at them?
I’m aware that lots of people would think this is fine.
As does he.
I cried and he said - do you think your reaction is normal whilst scowling at me.
I just feel funny about it but also feel like I’m not able to express that.
I know it’s my own in security and it’s because of other issues in the relationship but I really do just find it uncomfortable.

He sounds creepy

How old are your daughters? Give it a few years and he'll be doing a Kevin Spacey from American Beauty. Ew!

@Mistystar99 it’s not too bad because eldest is 8. But like where is the line? If his type now is 18 year olds, I guess it always will be? If he clearly hasn’t matured at the same rate as me, then is this just what he will always like.
I can’t imagine finding anything remotely attractive about an 18 year old boy. Anything at all. To sexualise someone of that age makes me feel a bit sick.
I know men and women’s are difference. But I tend to just think we should all actually be acting in the same way and the thought of a future where I feel anxious if my kids bring friends home is not a good one.

Honestly if I discovered a man I was with was doing this I’d lose all respect for him and would know it was the start of the end.
My dad was a total creep to my friends growing up, always flirty with these poor young waitresses if we went out to eat... that need and desire for ‘young’ females I find repulsive.

If this makes you feel uncomfortable then you are not being daft. It would make me feel uncomfortable.

'do you think your reaction is normal whilst scowling at me' - also, this worries me, I think me knows what he's doing is creepy and he's trying to make you feel like you are the one in the wrong.

I wonder how he'd feel if the women he's looking at knew he was looking at them?

If I were in your shoes I would finish the relationship. He's being creepy and disrespectful.

Yuk, creepy.

We’ve all randomly Facebook stalked people we were at school with, ex’s, and the odd person you meet down the pub.

However, to actively and regularly look at teen’s profile is creepy, and disrespectful. Was it a one of incidence ( to your knowledge) who has he done it a lot?

I have totally lost all respect for him.
We’ve had our issues and I usually feel quite angry and reactive. Whereas I just feel sad and I don’t really want to be near him.
I first saw the search list the other day. Asked him straight away and he said he doesn’t know why those names are there and went on to lie about it for a while.
Then he admitted that yes he’s looked because he thought they were attractive and thought he wanted to see pictures.
I spoke to him last night about it, properly, for the first time. I asked where he knows these girls from and he says he just sees them on other peoples tagged pictures or comments on pages. I asked how often and he said I was asking a ridiculous question and how could he give me a number. I said I just wanted an idea of how often and he said maybe once a week.
The way he’s spoken to me as well has left me just feeling a bit isolated. Totally dismissive of how I feel and after first telling me to leave him alone and go to bed, he was telling me that he’s going to delete all social media and quit his job so he never has to see other women. Just ridiculous.

Isn't the bigger issue that he's just fucking horrible? Why do you want to be with someone who makes you unhappy and doesn't give a shit when you're upset?

@SpongeWorthy I have no idea. Extremely low self-worth and a fear of the unknown.

Loosely translated as...

No I didn't
Ok I did it a bit but it's not what you think
Ok fine I did it but I didn't do anything wrong
Ok fine I did it but you're mental to react this way
FINE I won't do it anymore because you're controlling

He's playing arsehole bingo.

creepy. His response is cold and suspicious too. Clearly he doesn't think he's done anything wrong...
I would be watching my back. Has he ever cheated?

[quote MandB23]@SpongeWorthy I have no idea. Extremely low self-worth and a fear of the unknown.[/quote]
My love you sound so deflated. It doesn't have to be like this! Stop worrying about whether he'll perv on your daughters friends in 10 years time and start thinking about whether you can bear to spend even one more year showing them this is what a relationship looks like. You might think they don't notice how unhealthy the relationship dynamic is but what they aren't seeing right now is a woman who won't take this shit and is happy and secure being single rather than with an arsehole and you also aren't giving yourself the chance to meet someone you CAN have a healthy relationship with and model healthy relationship behaviour to your girls.

I bet you'd hate them to be in the relationship you are now when they're adults so if you feel you can't leave for you, do it for them - the longer they are unable to witness healthy relationship behaviour (which includes seeing people single rather than in unhealthy dynamics) the more likely it is they will replicate what they do see.

@MandB23 completely wrong and creepy. His reaction is one of someone that has been caught so going on the defensive. He clearly doesn't associate pictures with real people who probably don't want to be a thrill for him either. It's like he is treating them like his own personal porn image bank. I have no issues with porn as a large percentage are consenting but these young girls aren't.

Your not being unreasonable his attitude is frankly disgusting and shows complete lack or respect for you.

@MrsSpringfield Not that I know of and I don't think he would.
His issue is lying and being secretive - about ANYTHING. Then when he is caught out he turns cold and angry and can be really cruel.
The constant lying and being spoken to like i'm nothing has just made me a bit of an insecure, paranoid mess. So when I do see things like this - i question myself. I don't even feel like I can make clear judgements anymore.
"I'm just going to get shit off you for the rest of my life" is one thing he said last night.

I think his reaction and the way he treats you are worse than him looking at pics. He lied to you and dismissed you, he sounds v immature. Ask him how he'd feel if a much older man leered at his daughters pics in a few yrs time.

Do you want to stay in this marriage? Would you be happy for your daughters to have a husband like him?

He treats you like an arsehole. Stand up for yourself. You know it’s not right. I don’t know anyone who has a husband who does what he does. Looking at pictures like that? Doesn’t he have a job! Where does he get the time to do that? Tell him the marriage is over because you find his behaviour disgusting

So sleazy. Can you imagine him creeping on your children’s friends or girlfriends when they’re older? How embarrassing. He needs to grow up and treat you with some respect.

Creepy.

I cried and he said - do you think your reaction is normal whilst scowling at me.

As PP's have said, his reaction/treatment of you is just as bad as the creepiness really, if not worse.

You've had a bloody big shock OP, you've discovered he's not the man you thought he was and it will take time to get your head around that and figure out what to do. Some space away from him would be a good idea if you can possibly engineer it? Don't let him make you doubt yourself, he's minimising what he's been doing and trying to gaslight you that it's ok. It's not ok, it's sleazy, disrespectful and paints a very clear picture of the kind of man he really is. You must be reeling, don't forget to take care of yourself in all this, and tell a friend in RL if you can