BIG CRUSH! What would you do?

[zanderpanda]

Hi MN,
I'm driving myself crazy & need some advice.
I've been lurking on online dating sites for years now & dabble occasionally.
Some good experiences, some bad.
Recently I dated a guy who I found out was still married (wtf?) but it was early on & I wasn't very invested. Anyway...
For years I've been involved in a group that I love. Different people come & go & a couple of months ago this guy joined. We get on really well - both really into the activities we do, very similar sense of humour... we have met a few times purely to do the activities & now that it's lockdown we can still meet as a pair as it's all outside.
The last few times we have met, I've noticed I'm incredibly drawn to him. Like, incredibly.
We've started texting a bit in the eve (not about the activities.. general chat) & I found myself openly flirting with him a bit the other day.
I'm pretty sure he's single.
The more we meet up the more I feel attracted to him.
For me, this is a real novelty; Meeting someone in real life & not on a dating site.
Being able to do these activities I love together.
Laughing a lot...
I've almost asked him (twice) if he wants to meet for a drink/do something apart from the activities but terrified of the rejection & not 100% sure he's single.
Also, enjoying the admiring from afar/crush thing.
What would you do? Obviously options are limited (could meet outside & have a coffee in the park I guess?) but I get this amazing feeling every time we see each other & when he texts me & I feel like I want to see him away from the activities & see what else he's about.
If this year has taught me one thing it's carpe diem!!
I'm in my 30s & feel like I'm 15

Thanks for all the posts.
Meeting up with him in a bit...
I've already decided to hold off on the flirting if I can & just try & get to know him a bit more. I will take the 'talking about lockdown/bubbles' advice & see where that goes.
I just really enjoy his company. Feels so natural & easy spending time together.
Haven't ever hung out unless it's the activities (really can't share what we do as might give away too much & might get outed!) but pretty sure that as someone asked, can't be mistaken for dates...

Keenly watching this thread, itching for an update.

Ooh good luck! One really good way of knowing whether a man fancies you is dropping a hint you might need help with something (something you know he can do eg fix bike, lug a heavy box from X to Y, solve computer issue) and see if he offers to help.

Good luck OP 🤞
Maybe he's just being cautious as he's been hurt in the past.
It's good, you're getting to know him first.

Hopefully the feeling is mutual and you're both being more reserved due to the current restrictions.

Update for anyone who's possibly interested!
Great session with the activities & the same connection as usual. Laughed so much I nearly fell over at one point.
So started to chat a bit - I knew he lives on his own & that he has a son who he has every other weekend. I asked if he felt like he'd be ok when he didn't have his son with him in terms of lockdown isolation & he said he's got loads of stuff to get on with.
Then he said he's been involved with someone on & off for a while who he sees sometimes but likes spending time on his own. That's all I needed to hear; I won't go there with the flirting or anything & have no intention of hearing what 'on & off' is because it's none of my business.
I've been hurt so much in the past & have no intention of doing that to whoever he's with.
We got a takeaway coffee after & he then opened up about a whole other historical chapter in his life that was a pretty awful time for him. I sat & listened & we chatted after and oh maaaannnnn we get on so well but that's it.
We've arranged to meet just us for the activities next week.
He texted me right after he left and said he'd had a great time & thanks for listening.
Reckon I should ask him if his on and off partner knows he meets up for these activities with one other woman and would she be ok with it? Or just leave it?
Wd love to be friends with him if he's up for it but definitely no more.

Thanks for the update OP, glad to hear you’ve clarified the situation.

Reckon I should ask him if his on and off partner knows he meets up for these activities with one other woman and would she be ok with it? Or just leave it?
Don't. I'd be really offended if a male friend asked of my bf knew I was seeing them alone, as if I needed permission or couldn't be trusted to be honest. ,.

I agree, don't ask him if his 'on/off partner' knows you are meeting. It sounds quite confrontational and gives away that you might be seeing your friendship differently. I'd back off from all flirting, maybe even invent your own on/off bloke so that he's clear this is friendship only now. Be aware, the on/off girlfriend may actually be 'on' and he's added the 'off' bit to test the waters with you. Don't fall for it, you definitely don't want to be lumbered with that kind of guy.

@dinosaurrisotto @SleepingStandingUp thanks - totally can see what you mean.
Absolutely won't do that.

I think the "on and off girlfriend" description sounds dodgy. He's probably looking for a replacement and keeps the poor woman around for convenience. I'd probably steer clear of meeting up at all, because if he makes a move, considering how much you like him, you might find it hard to revisit. And he probably knows that.

I wonder if the on/off GF knows she is on/off . Rather like someone I met who failed to mention he was married.

Can you not find him on social media to see if he’s taken? Saves you the embarrassment of actually asking him! Then shoot your bloody shot! Life’s too short. Ps I’m jealous of your teen girl crush feeling. I remember it and that giddy feeling :) so cute.

@brokencrayons

Can you not find him on social media to see if he’s taken? Saves you the embarrassment of actually asking him! Then shoot your bloody shot! Life’s too short. Ps I’m jealous of your teen girl crush feeling. I remember it and that giddy feeling :) so cute.

Oops! I should read the whole thread before commenting!