Marriage problems

[Jackone84]

Me and my wife have been having problems for the last month and today we had a heated argument my wife got very angry and said she hates me and doesnt want to be with me over the last month she has told me to leave her alone but its difficult as we have 2 children and obviously living in same house it's hard I've been trying to talk to her about our problems but she never wanted too. I've never liked conflict and I find it very hard I love my wife very much I've been struggling the last month and have had to go off work due to it as I can't think straight. Once the words I hate you are said is there any real way back we've been together 16 years and I don't want to throw away our marriage I think I've been a good husband and tried to give everything too my family this year has been tough with covid my wife lost her job and I think that has really played on her and finding a new one is difficult I'm just after some advice as I hate feeling like this the woman I absolutely love to bits just doesn't seem the same person anymore

What is “the problem” is it in the bedroom. How old is your wife (menopausal)? and yes you can get over words said in haste and anger.

She's been addicted to her phone and it caused problems with us then it turned into a huge fight over the last month she is mid 30's we were always good until I brought up the phone and now she wont stay in same room as me won't look at me doesn't say anything to me the argument this morning has really bothered me and I hate this situation we are currently in

What does she do on her phone?
Using the word addicted is a bit judgmental.

Mostly Facebook and Instagram she is constantly on it wouldn't do anything with me wouldn't come watch a movie or anything after kids were in bed would rather sit on her phone it was bothering me because I couldn't get a conversation out of my wife and it's led to this

Is the phone the only problem? Could she be job searching?

Since when did the phone use become an issue? It could be that she's bored since losing her job.

Is your or was your physical relationship okay before this?

Perhaps stop trying to talk about your problems and her see how things go.

From your post, it comes across like you put her on a pedestal....like you care way more thank she does.

Would you describe this as an equal relationship?

With a decrease in f2f socializing, if her interests are simply FB and insta. I’d leave it alone. Sometimes a bit of escapism is needed from day to day mundane routines.

I feel she doesnt care about me right now and she knows how much i love her maybe that is the problem no she was constantly on social media it has got really bad between and it's been very difficult just very strange and weird situation before this we were great but the last month has been hell if I'm being honest

I really do get that as she doesn't have many friends but im in the house and always there to talk to but her phone was more important than speaking to me

Well honestly after 16 years I’m sure she’s heard it all. Book a restaurant meal or other get away of interest. Talk about anything other than yourself. Maybe she’d like a bike, bring up a new and somewhat exciting topic. Do you have a hobby?

Mmmh I feel like a lot of replies are a bit passive aggressive. Would you try and frame it as the OP's responsibility if said OP was a woman? @Jackone84 sorry to hear that, it sounds tough, and yes phone addiction is real and it's very annoying at best and alienating at worst.
But I guess we don't have much to go on. Are you able to sit down calmly and ask her what is weighing on her mind? And then say your piece as well.
If there's love there and you feel that she's just down about the work and global situation and looking for an escape via her phone, could you suggest something like a film to watch together, or a game after the kids go to bed?

I asked every evening once kids were sleeping to watch a film or series and the answer was no and she would rather sit on her phone I can't get her to sit down and talk it's just a screaming match all the time it's heartbreaking and very stressful

The phone seems to be a symptom of the problems, not the root problem. If the marriage was to be fixed you'd need to know why she chooses to use her phone rather than spend time with you. However she's been clear she doesn't want the marriage to be fixed so you need to work out a plan. Who provides the most care for the kids, who is moving out, where to, finances etc.

Have you watched The Social Dilemma on Netflix? Perhaps you should both watch this tonight?

Is it feasible to say to her that either you both work out exactly what the issues are and address them you'll initiate divorce? It's really not worth you being miserable!