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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please come and join my Pity Party

6 replies

LittleBlueToday · 05/11/2020 13:43

I feel like I just need a pep talk. Husband and I separated a few years ago, and I just ended a short relationship with a guy and I'm feeling a bit down about that..

Me and my husband were pretty happy, overall. We had lots of good times, but, he was terrible at applying for jobs and awful with money. So all the adulting fell to me. And it wore me down. Coupled with his inability to handle stress, which in turn led to wholly avoidable disasters happening. It all got too much and I left him.

While all this was happening, I met a guy. He was very handsome, and I developed a wildly inappropriate crush on him. I didn't act on my feelings, but at the time I guess I saw it as yet another reason to leave my now ex.

As time has passed, me and my ex have stayed on friendly terms. The crush guy.. I told him I liked him. But he told me, because he's also friends with my ex, that he would never date me. I'm so gutted. I've been on so many dates with guys, I've also, dated two guys exclusively, but I just haven't felt that spark. I know I have to forget about v handsome crush guy, but I'm just not meeting anyone I feel that way about. And weirdly - and I'm probably over thinking this - but I see myself in the women he dates. My personality. I have picked on vibes that he does find me attractive but I have to take what he said at face value, of course.

I'm just feeling so crappy right now. My ex is loved up with a new girlfriend. She sounds like a great match for him, and while I'm pleased he's happy, I've just broken up with someone and I can't help feeling sorry for myself because I keep thinking, what if I don't meet anyone else?! What if nobody else makes me feel the way my ex did, or even the v handsome crush guy who won't date me?? I know it's unlikely, and I probably will, but I'm finding dating again after so many years of being married really really tough.

Some words of advice, encouragement, wisdom would be really appreciated right now. Or, failing that, lots and lots of gin please.

OP posts:
LittleBlueToday · 05/11/2020 15:45

Anyone?

OP posts:
Kit19 · 05/11/2020 15:57

its completely normal to feel crappy when youve split up with someone

but you know what? you will meet someone you feel that spark with, maybe not right now but you will

and in the meantime you can spend time focusing on you and what you want. I think we forget sometime what a luxury it is, having time purely to think about us as opposed to making headspace for a DP/DH

so crack the gin and the chocolates too, you'll get there but we're allowed a bit of self pity from time to time xx

MyOwnSummer · 05/11/2020 16:13

Don't underestimate the reasons you left, it sounds like you did the right thing.

You'll be ok, OP, have some gin and be happy that you had strong boundaries and morals, and refused to stay in a crap relationship or cheat.

Gin Flowers

ravenmum · 05/11/2020 16:27

Here is a nice pity party for you to join in :)

At least if you're with some other guy, your ex won't keep popping up like he would have with Mr Handsome. And you have kept all your self-respect by ending it nicely with your ex.

Why the rush to get serious again?

Namechanged1122 · 05/11/2020 16:32

What difference does it make if he's friends with your ex? Are they close friends? Not sure i'd want to accept this as a valid reason..

Rockinmomma · 05/11/2020 19:05

I was in the same situation in January, fancied my ExH mate.... asked him out, he liked me too! But he felt it would be awkward. Took me a few weeks to get over that, it had been a long time since I’d felt a ‘spark’
BUT it did make me realise I was ready to meet someone. I’d previously decided to remain single as I was happier on my own than in a bad relationship or settling for another twatty man child! Once you’re happier on your own it does make dating easier

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