Disagreements over TV

[400book]

This is going to sound like an odd one but I wanted to check if I'm actually being unreasonable or not!

Boyfriend of 2 years will refuse to watch a film unless it's rated 7/10 or higher, or a TV series unless it's rated 8/10 or higher.

We will sit down to choose something but end up spending an hour looking as he checks the rating for every. Single. Thing.

Then when he can't find anything that is rated high enough he will give me the remote to have a look.

Tonight (for the first time) I refused to look as I am so tired of having to check the rating every time I find something remotely good. He got cross and had a slight go at me for the fact that I wasn't willing to look for a film.

I know this all sounds ridiculous, but he's like this with a few other things too. It has to be his 'rules' for certain things yet I'm the unreasonable one when I don't play along

Am I losing the plot or is this as frustrating as I feel it is?!

We do this - we don't watch anything with shit ratings. But we have made a sport out of finding something to watch when both of us have seemingly seen every film and TV show in existence so we quite enjoy it.

I do this. Won't watch anything below 6 and even at a 6 it needs to be something I'm very interested in.
I'm not a big tv fan and get bored every quick. Life is too short to sit half way through a film only to realize it's never going to get better.

What a bellend.

Needs someone else to tell him what to like.

What would happen if your DARED put on a 5.5 and insisted that you are watching it?

I'd be breaking every single one of his 'rules' daily, until you dump him.

When people talk about partners who have "rules" I get very uncomfortable. Controlling behaviour often starts off as being very innocuous but rarely ends there.

^^
This
He sounds very controlling. Be very wary.

I couldn't be arsed spending an hour choosing - you could've watched half a film in that time!

My ex would only watch things he was interested in (fair enough) , even if it was something I found boring Top Gear and expected me to watch in silence but not do anything else such as knit or read. If I spoke he would ostentatiously pause it and rewind (always to a point before I'd started speaking which drove me nuts).

He could speak though without stopping and rewinding as "this bit isn't interesting"

Sometimes the reviews are justified, but I've watched some really nice films that got 4/10 and some tear-my-hair out kind of films that were highly rated. Sounds like he never wants to take risks and I think he's really missing out.

I'm far more interested in the other things he has rules to. If you live with a highly rigid person, life will seem harder with them as they will never compromise. Your activities will be based on what they don't want to do.

@PussGirl

I couldn't be arsed spending an hour choosing - you could've watched half a film in that time!

My ex would only watch things he was interested in (fair enough) , even if it was something I found boring Top Gear and expected me to watch in silence but not do anything else such as knit or read. If I spoke he would ostentatiously pause it and rewind (always to a point before I'd started speaking which drove me nuts).

He could speak though without stopping and rewinding as "this bit isn't interesting"

That sounds really bad!

My husband refuses to watch anything American. If we start to watch something British, he gets fed up if it's slow or no real action straight away. Then he gives up. Total waste of time.
Latest was Bly Manor.

He used to expect me to do all the research, finding something etc. I stopped doing that ages ago.

I now I watch what I want on Netflix on my phone.

@DrMorbius

We do this. We use rottentomatoes. Why waste your time watching something that will ultimately turn out to be crap.

Cos enjoyment is subjective 🤔 I've loved loads of things that have been panned and hated lots of things that win every Oscar going.

We don't live together but he's at mine a lot of evenings so I don't actually get much time to watch the things I want to!
He's the same with box sets, we'll start watching one then he'll get fed up after a couple so we have to stop and I'll have to continue watching on my own.
When I say 'rules' I mean that he likes things to be his own way. He can't understand if I have a different opinion to him on something, or don't think the same way.
Things have to be on his schedule almost, so wants to do things at the time he wants to, as opposed to when it suits us both. I hope that makes sense!

@400book

We don't live together but he's at mine a lot of evenings so I don't actually get much time to watch the things I want to! He's the same with box sets, we'll start watching one then he'll get fed up after a couple so we have to stop and I'll have to continue watching on my own. When I say 'rules' I mean that he likes things to be his own way. He can't understand if I have a different opinion to him on something, or don't think the same way. Things have to be on his schedule almost, so wants to do things at the time he wants to, as opposed to when it suits us both. I hope that makes sense!

Why do you put up with this?

Why is it all about what he wants?

Lol, I do a bit of this, not with TV shows but always check the IdBM rating which usually shows up when you click on the film. Never watch less than a 6, try to get above a 7. Yes you can spend a fair amount of time choosing, but then you could otherwise waste 2 hour on crap.
If you're a film buff, then you probably recognise from the titles if you've heard it's good, but I don't keep up with that so ratings are what I need to go off.
Rules-wise, well he's in your house, so should be your rules generally, with maybe a bit of negotiation, but you have final say. Stick up for yourself, if he wants his rules, he should invite you round his more.

OK your update clinched it. We also mostly use Rotten Tomatoes and IMDB and Wired to help decide on joint viewing but the emphasis is on joint. We have similar tastes and agree more or less on choosing.
If in this, and other, decisions you feel disenfranchised and down trodden there is something seriously wrong, potentially serious enough to warrant splitting. It wouldn't be silly because it's what relationships are based on!
At the very least you need a cold, hard, scary conversation about how you are made to feel and I would include the very really threat of it being deal breaking.

Extreme to rely on any form of rating system to make decisions. Next one will be hotel bookings, restaurants etc. YANBU to find this wrong.

YANBU at all. Fine if he wants to look at ratings, but he does not get to tell you how to choose what to watch on TV!

He sounds really tiresome OP.

My wife does this. Drives me nuts as she will spend all evening finding something to watch then complain she is tired. I will watch any old chap just to chill out. Especially panel shows etc but she likes full on horror and weird dramas - then get arsed when I am not interested in them.

We just have separate tvs now

Based on this thread maybe I should leave her due to her horrible controlling ways?

If you live together and one person can just go and do/watch something else if they like, that's a very different kettle of fish to a couple planning to spend the evening watching a film together and it turning into a dictatorship.

I will check ratings when choosing a film just for me, and often end up watching nothing as I am too tired and grumpy to find anything I fancy. Don't watch much TV with my bf, but if he wants to watch something with me then I'll watch it too. He watches all sorts of crap, but it is true that often some of the weirder stuff does turn out to be good.

OP, what would happen if you said "Your system is a load of crap, let's watch whatever is on ITV"?

I know quite a few people who do this and I’m guilty of it myself to an extent. It’s the same when choosing holidays, I always look for a certain rating on trip advisor etc and I don’t think it’s a particularly bad thing to do. When it comes to tv/films I’m more open minded though and some of the best things I’ve watched have had lower ratings.

@400book

We don't live together but he's at mine a lot of evenings so I don't actually get much time to watch the things I want to! He's the same with box sets, we'll start watching one then he'll get fed up after a couple so we have to stop and I'll have to continue watching on my own. When I say 'rules' I mean that he likes things to be his own way. He can't understand if I have a different opinion to him on something, or don't think the same way. Things have to be on his schedule almost, so wants to do things at the time he wants to, as opposed to when it suits us both. I hope that makes sense!

So he visits your house & then dictates what you will both watch? Fuck that.

@tobedtoMNandfart Yes that's pretty much exactly what he does!

He's like a 14 year old who complains about the trainers you bought him cos they're not as cool as the ones all his mates wear

Tell him to stay home and watch TV there.

O M G. Basically you’re saying that everything you do together has to be the way HE wants it. Who made him the Ruler of Your House/life/tv?? What a selfish git. Do tell, what are his good points? You must be glad you don’t live together and get some free (yes, note the word) free time. Do you see him as a potential life partner? If not, I’d bin asap. Sorry op, he sounds soooo bossy and selfish if he can ‘never understand me having a different opinion’ 😱

To be fair there is so much TV nowadays I can almost understand only focusing on stuff that is "good" but, always a but, there are lower rated good programmes.

If this is the only thing you fall out about, or the main thing, another way of deciding on a new series us to search "what other programmes are like X". X being something you both like.

My H watches live sport I either do something else or read in return he has to watch the sewing bee, so he reads his phone or gets totally involved marking items.

@400book

We don't live together but he's at mine a lot of evenings so I don't actually get much time to watch the things I want to! He's the same with box sets, we'll start watching one then he'll get fed up after a couple so we have to stop and I'll have to continue watching on my own. When I say 'rules' I mean that he likes things to be his own way. He can't understand if I have a different opinion to him on something, or don't think the same way. Things have to be on his schedule almost, so wants to do things at the time he wants to, as opposed to when it suits us both. I hope that makes sense!

Just warn him in advance "if you come over tonight I will be watching "bridesmaids from hell" this evening in my TV in my house, so either come round and don't sulk or I'll see you tomorrow"