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Original poster

Should I get invited on OH's family trips?

54 replies

BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 04/11/2020 18:34

My OH and I have been dating for just over two years. We don't live together and have no intention of doing so as we love our current set up and see each other every weekend, sometimes during the week if work allows it (we live over an hour away from each other), and go away on long weekends, with friends, etc.

I don't have any family nearby but he has all of his within walking distance of his house. I have met them and we get on well. Lately I have been wondering whether it's odd that when they go away (a couple of times a year) for a few days (my bf, his elderly parents, his brother, his son and his live-in partner) I don't get asked along. I don't mind because I don't think I'd enjoy spending a long weekend with them but I've begun to wonder whether it's odd that they don't ask me along given I've been dating my bf for two years now. In a way it's better because I would not like to go, but should I be offended? I know it's not an issue because I'd rather not go but in principle, should I be disappointed/offended?

OP posts:
Crimblecrumble1990 · 05/11/2020 07:48

Yes I think you should be invited. But blimey, all going away together a couple of times a year! That's quite a lot!

Original poster
BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 05/11/2020 11:24

@Feelinglost1919

The fact you’ve no family and he is not involving you in his, is just really cruel. I live overseas away from family and when friends involve me in their Xmas family dinners etc - it is very touching. I would be so offended and hurt if my OH didn’t invite me along ! Massive red flag
I didn't mean to come across as wishing I had some family contact of some sort. I'm not terribly close to mine and am not a big family person to start with. I'm glad you have friends who involve you in their Xmas celebrations though @Feelinglost1919 if that makes you happy. I'm just not a very family oriented person.
OP posts:
mindutopia · 05/11/2020 11:33

I don't think you should be offended. I think going on family holidays with your parents as an adult is a bit odd anyway, but I know it's a thing some people do. Your relationship is still relatively new and you don't live together. Presumably, they can't have gone on many this year, due to COVID, so we are mostly taking about in the first year or so of your relationship, and in that case, no I don't think it's odd you weren't invited. You also clearly wouldn't want to come, so maybe your partner is saving putting you on the spot by just not making the offer.

Nanny0gg · 05/11/2020 11:41

@BarryWhiteIsMyBrother

I have no idea whether it's down to him or his family - he was keen for me to meet them and he's met all my close friends. Since I met his family we see them every weekend for a cup of tea (Covid permitting).

I've never brought up the subject of his family trips because I wouldn't want to go. I forgot to say however that they did ask me over for Christmas day from the start (managed to avoid going).

As for the lockdown, yes we locked down together.

Well you turned down Christmas, your relationship probably doesn't seem that serious to them and your b/f hasn't asked.

Not sure why you think it would be any different really.

Plus, you don't want to go so you'd only turn them down again. What's the point of that?

Nanny0gg · 05/11/2020 11:42

@Feelinglost1919

The fact you’ve no family and he is not involving you in his, is just really cruel. I live overseas away from family and when friends involve me in their Xmas family dinners etc - it is very touching. I would be so offended and hurt if my OH didn’t invite me along ! Massive red flag
But she doesn't want to go! And has already turned down a Christmas invitation!

Maybe they've all got the message...

Nanny0gg · 05/11/2020 11:43

@BarryWhiteIsMyBrother

I hadn't thought of that. Let's see if they ask me over for Xmas this year...
And will you go?

What did your b/f do when you didn't go? Did he?

YouKidsIsCrazy · 05/11/2020 11:48

You're not a family person, you have turned them down for Xmas more than once, and you don't want to go away with them, but you're offended that they haven't asked you, even though you wouldn't go if they did?

Are you for real?

workhomesleeprepeat · 05/11/2020 12:06

I’m confused - you want to avoid them at Xmas time, but you’re offended they don’t invite you on holiday Confused

Maybe they think you don’t like them very much or like they are an obligation to you, so they want to spare you the awkwardness of saying no to a holiday invite?

JemimaTiggywinkle · 05/11/2020 12:08

Your OH probably knows you don’t want to go... so hasn’t invited you.

MumChats · 05/11/2020 12:14

should I be disappointed/offended?

You don't feel disappointed or offended at the moment, can you magic those feelings up if a load of MN strangers tell you to?! And why would you want to - if you are happy not going, and your OH is happy going alone with his family then i think you're doing fine! (Perhaps lockdown has given you too much time to overthink this Grin)

northstars · 05/11/2020 12:17

@BarryWhiteIsMyBrother

I hadn't thought of that. Let's see if they ask me over for Xmas this year...
So you declined their Xmas invite, and now you’re waiting to see if they invite you again? Confused Hmm What do you even want from them?
yvanka · 05/11/2020 12:17

What do you do for Christmas? If it's anything other than seeing your own family they probably think you don't really enjoy spending time with them, so wouldn't invite you on holiday.

user1493494961 · 05/11/2020 12:30

If you don't want to go then why worry about it.

Original poster
BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 05/11/2020 13:18

To all those of you asking me why I am offended - I'm not. That's the point. But I'm wondering whether 'normally' I should be. As for what I did on Christmas day, I chose to volunteer in a soup kitchen type thing. That way my OH didn't feel awkward. I had in fact signed up to volunteer before they invited me.

OP posts:
Riapia · 05/11/2020 13:18

So he prefers the company of his parents on holiday.
They must be a riot. 😂😂😂

workhomesleeprepeat · 05/11/2020 13:25

@BarryWhiteIsMyBrother

To all those of you asking me why I am offended - I'm not. That's the point. But I'm wondering whether 'normally' I should be. As for what I did on Christmas day, I chose to volunteer in a soup kitchen type thing. That way my OH didn't feel awkward. I had in fact signed up to volunteer before they invited me.
Lol if you don’t feel offended then it’s all fine! Why do you need people to tell you whether you should be offended Confused

I think you’ve shown them through your lack of interest in spending Xmas with them that you don’t really want to do family stuff or spend long periods of time with them. They’ve taken the hint!

I would take it as an indication to just continue living my life as I have been.

midsomermurderess · 05/11/2020 13:27

You wouldn't want to go anyway, so why does it matter? And maybe they've picked up on that so don't ask you.

northstars · 05/11/2020 13:54

Really weird to be wondering if you “normally should be”. Tbh it sounds like you would be unhappy no matter what your OH’s family did.

YouKidsIsCrazy · 05/11/2020 15:03

so you're not offended, you're not bothered...you're asking if you should be? What an inane question.
No you shouldn't be. He probably should though.

BadLad · 05/11/2020 22:09

@MumChats

should I be disappointed/offended?

You don't feel disappointed or offended at the moment, can you magic those feelings up if a load of MN strangers tell you to?! And why would you want to - if you are happy not going, and your OH is happy going alone with his family then i think you're doing fine! (Perhaps lockdown has given you too much time to overthink this Grin)

Grin

If you need to ask whether or not to be offended, it's probably not worth the bother.

SandyY2K · 05/11/2020 23:00

@Feelinglost1919

The fact you’ve no family and he is not involving you in his, is just really cruel. I live overseas away from family and when friends involve me in their Xmas family dinners etc - it is very touching.
I would be so offended and hurt if my OH didn’t invite me along ! Massive red flag

Did you miss this?

I forgot to say however that they did ask me over for Christmas day from the start (managed to avoid going)

Prisonbreak · 05/11/2020 23:19

You want other people to tell you if you should be offended over not getting an invite you don’t want!
Are you actually serious?

movingonup20 · 05/11/2020 23:20

I'm not sure you get an invite to trips away unless you live together in my experience. My parents didn't invite exh until we were married, things have progressed because they have invited dp even though we arent married (but live together)

VeganVeal · 06/11/2020 08:56

They/he doesnt see you as a partner, this wont change, personally I'd move on

AllsortsofAwkward · 06/11/2020 09:02

Why are you making an issue out of something you clearly don't want to spend time with them they extended you an invite to Christmas you turned it down of course he should still see his family and its likely they are aware you won't want to holiday with them hence why you haven't been asked. You sound abit hardwork in all honesty maybe you should ask the question should you make an effort for youre dp sake?

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