I’m so sorry it’s so long, please stick with it I need help!
Been with partner 2 years, he’s been diagnosed with depression for at least a year now (told me he had been diagnosed before but I’m not sure if that’s true) we had a series of massive arguments last year which resulted in me leaving! I was somehow convinced to come back and I stayed. He went onto medication in the new year and had been on them since early January until around august when he decided to stop! In July I found out I was pregnant and didn’t get the response I was hoping for!
He already has a child and has said on multiple occasions he doesn’t feel that excited because he’s done it all before! He obviously wasn’t at my scans due to COVID but he also has decided he doesn’t want to be at the birth because he doesn’t think he can handle it!
My family and most of my friends don’t like him and regularly say he’s emotionally abusive and gaslighting me etc I do think I still love him although I’m not sure how much any more! I think it would break his heart if I left!
In the last 5 days we’ve had 4 arguments all caused by him ranging from him not feeling appreciated because I’m not asking his expert opinion on all things baby to silly issues like I was asked to go to the shop, said I didn’t feel up to it, got screamed at and called names, he always apologises after but I don’t know how much more I can take! I was nearly out the door and on the bus to somewhere else tonight. Tonight the onus has been put on me to “bring him out of his mood as he doesn’t know what he’s doing when he’s in a mood like that”... I know I should leave but can’t seem to bring myself to do it! I don’t believe he’d ever hit me but he is quite nasty with his words!
I sometimes wish he’d do something drastic so I had an excuse to leave for good! I don’t feel like I can justify leaving even though I see the evidence!
I don’t know what to do! Anyone got any advice or know of anywhere I can call to speak to someone about what messed up situation I’m in?