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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need advice! Should I leave?

5 replies

soconfused00 · 04/11/2020 06:22

I’m so sorry it’s so long, please stick with it I need help!

Been with partner 2 years, he’s been diagnosed with depression for at least a year now (told me he had been diagnosed before but I’m not sure if that’s true) we had a series of massive arguments last year which resulted in me leaving! I was somehow convinced to come back and I stayed. He went onto medication in the new year and had been on them since early January until around august when he decided to stop! In July I found out I was pregnant and didn’t get the response I was hoping for!

He already has a child and has said on multiple occasions he doesn’t feel that excited because he’s done it all before! He obviously wasn’t at my scans due to COVID but he also has decided he doesn’t want to be at the birth because he doesn’t think he can handle it!

My family and most of my friends don’t like him and regularly say he’s emotionally abusive and gaslighting me etc I do think I still love him although I’m not sure how much any more! I think it would break his heart if I left!

In the last 5 days we’ve had 4 arguments all caused by him ranging from him not feeling appreciated because I’m not asking his expert opinion on all things baby to silly issues like I was asked to go to the shop, said I didn’t feel up to it, got screamed at and called names, he always apologises after but I don’t know how much more I can take! I was nearly out the door and on the bus to somewhere else tonight. Tonight the onus has been put on me to “bring him out of his mood as he doesn’t know what he’s doing when he’s in a mood like that”... I know I should leave but can’t seem to bring myself to do it! I don’t believe he’d ever hit me but he is quite nasty with his words!

I sometimes wish he’d do something drastic so I had an excuse to leave for good! I don’t feel like I can justify leaving even though I see the evidence!

I don’t know what to do! Anyone got any advice or know of anywhere I can call to speak to someone about what messed up situation I’m in?

OP posts:
theonewithnousername · 04/11/2020 06:37

@soconfused00
Sorry you are in such a shit situation. I'm sure you will get lots of brilliant advice as I did on here, it literally saved mine and my babies life.

I think you should call women's aid and they will offer you some really helpful advice.

As far as I'm concerned emotional abuse, which is what this is, is enough reason to leave. You and your baby deserve so much better. He is not your responsibility and he should never be putting it on to you to 'pull him out of his mood' he's an adult and if he is not coping then he should seek professional help.

Also, his expert opinion on the baby is not welcome. If he doesn't want to get excited about things, attend the birth etc then as far as I'm concerned anything he has to say about the baby can go in one ear and out the other. Don't appease him.

Xx

Boopthesnoot1 · 04/11/2020 06:57

Leave. You don't need a reason to stay. The emotional abuse is enough for you to leave. The emotional abuse is enough for you to leave. A relationship is a two way street and any person can leave at any time without reason. Dont stay because you feel responsible for his mental health because if you stay, he won't improve himself but rely on you to 'fix his moods'. Having a baby with someone should be a wonderful experience, not what you are experiencing, so go out there and find someone who will love you and treat you how you deserve.

Joistlooking · 04/11/2020 07:00

Don't assume he won't hit you. He sounds very like my friend's ex; he had/has MH issues is on anti depressants and had inexplicable, unreasonable outbursts of temper combined with name calling.
They had a DC, he couldn't cope with the birth nor could he cope with the responsibility of a child: broken nights, crying, dirty nappies etc it just made his MH issues worse. He would neglect the DC when they were in his care and it culminated in him physically attacking my friend when she was holding their DC. Do you want to take the risk of this happening to you? Take care of your self and your child good luck. Flowers

Nicolastuffedone · 04/11/2020 07:14

I would say you have all the excuses you need personally......

IJustWantSomeBees · 04/11/2020 10:06

please leave, this is so unhealthy.

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