Quick advice pls - red flag or not?

[bathsh3ba]

OK, I was due to meet someone I have been speaking to on OLD tonight in a local pub. I have my doubts it will go anywhere but I thought I won't be able to go on a date for a while, so why not just go for a drink.

Anyway, out of the blue today I had a bad feeling in my stomach about it. Can't put my finger on why. Just got home to a message from him saying he's working at a location in my village which, while he doesn't know it, is literally round the corner from my house. He thought it would be easier if he worked in the village for the afternoon. He doesn't know my address but he does know I live in the village. It's a big village but still...

Now my red flag antennae are beeping overtime at me, it seems somehow stalkerish. Am I over-reacting? Should I cancel?

Hope everything is ok, it’s important you feel safe.

I would have said that I had Covid symptoms and needed to isolate. How would he ever know?

Glad you cancelled.

ALWAYS listen to your gut.

It’s possibly weird. Is he angling to be invited to your place (aka shag?)

Something similar happened to me in the early days of a relationship when he turned up in my area uninvited as he wanted to see how long it would take him to drive from his home. It was definitely over-familiar.

Yes, he's hoping you'll invite him in for a quick shag.

Block and delete.

Do any women ever actually say yes to these crazy ideas some men have?

he turned up in my area uninvited as he wanted to see how long it would take him to drive from his home. It was definitely over-familiar

Creep. That's what Google maps is for!

Always listen to your instinct. If you feel something is off, it's because it is.

@IncandescentSilver

Yes, he's hoping you'll invite him in for a quick shag.

Block and delete.

Do any women ever actually say yes to these crazy ideas some men have?

I'm guessing most do as it sounded normal to me and men just wouldn't say it if it usually didn't work.

Well done

Did he reply after OP?

If you are going for a drink I'd be wondering if he'd accidentally have an extra one so he can't drive home. Oops! Then he'd need to stay at yours. On the sofa obviously... You'd have a night cap at home then one thing would lead to another and he'd wind up in your bed..

But then I'm a cynical old witch

I don't think it's a weird thing to do at all either!

He has sent a couple of messages along the lines of he is still in the pub if I change my mind.

Hi OP. Maybe pop to the pub for one drink, to see what you make of this guy in real life? X

So he's in the pub in your village, when he doesn't live there? That's a bit odd, isn't it?

@bathsh3ba

He has sent a couple of messages along the lines of he is still in the pub if I change my mind.

That's weird. Okay maybe as he was there he fancied a pint, but seriously, take the hint By telling you, he's surreptitiously trying to apply pressure to get you to change your mind, as the poor lamb is sitting in a strange pub all by himself. Pushy fucker.

Was there anything worrying about how he related to you in online conversations?

I think you've maybe inadvertently been too open about your life to him. Keep it vague about where you live and meet someone a reasonable distance away from home on a first date. No way should you be telling anyone you are home alone. If you'd not given so much info, I think you'd be less worried now. It's good to be guarded at the start.

I had someone act similarly with me. He was flaky about meeting but changed the potential meeting place so it was gradually nearer and nearer to where I lived. He didn't get my need for safety or why I wouldn't give out certain information. I never actually met him, as I wouldn't bend on things. I don't think he was too sinister - but he had no sense of boundaries and wanted sex. Which, now I write it, is sinister enough in itself.

Don't meet him if you don't want to OP.

I’d skip that meeting. No rush. It’s lockdown anyway. Plenty of fish in the sea after lockdown.

It may be innocent but it doesn't matter either way, if your gut is telling you something is up you don't have to justify listening to it to anyone! Glad to hear you cancelled OP