Am I better bf unfair - stress over husbands dieting

[Pickledscales]

My husband and I both have weight to lose. I have struggled pretty much most of my adult life since my last child was born so have been through the calorie counting , keto the works over the years . Over the last nine months I’m mostly plant based but still have a good 15 kg to lose . My husband on the other hand was calorie counting obsessively and was taking in very few calories some days less than my daily requirements as a five foot woman .other days he’s eating burgers and chips and more but still loses weight
I should mention I have a pituitary / endocrine issue that make it slow going and I’m menopausal so I’m lagging well behind often not losing a thing for weeks despite sticking to my diet not making excuses but he knows I’m down about the slow privesss . He on the other hand has a super fast metabolism
Anyway this isn’t really about the diet as much as whether I’m being unreasonable . He was coming to me daily to tell me how much he lost and ( it feels like gloating ) this was daily because he would weight himself daily and report to the grams the loss . anyway I asked him not to tell me so much as I’m struggling . He says he thought I would be happy for him and I’d want to know .
Now he’s stopped saying but ramped up the weigh ins to twice daily. I have in the past had such an unhealthy relationship with good and dieting that I’m feeling stressed . I said something about the twice daily weigh ins and how it is best to weigh in once a week but it turned into a fight
I’m sure I’m being sensitive but his family is extremely fat phobic and he was like that earlier before I lost weight . Some perspectives would be really helpful

I agree with Bluntness.

@Bluntness100

Keep on with what is right for you, acknowledge and celebrate your own success on your terms

And he should get the same advice. Hence why they just can’t discuss it

Op you likely are just jealous and frustrated. And that’s fine, it’s fairly natural that instead of being pleased for him you’re comparing it to your own progress and getting pissed off.

You just need to make a pact to not discuss it, and as said, you can’t control him, dictate how he weighs or what he eats, it’s his body his choice.

Thankyou to those who have offered those kind words of support .

Bluntness have you ever struggled with a weigh issue ? My oh seem to have an issue with understanding the difference between jealousy qbd feeling unsupported. Seeing as you keep accusing me of ‘ not supporting my husband ‘ I actually just asked him if he feels I’ve supported him In his weight loss . His words - you have been great making me healthy dinners and working out with me ....
I hardly think asking for a little understanding and support in return is too much

And before you call me defensive I can promise you I’m just filling your lead and being blunt

@WouldBeGood

You’re definitely not crazy *@Pickledscales*!

This is a really common situation, where men lose weight more easily. They have less body fat naturally as women need it for all the women stuff 😃 Plus not the same hormonal fluctuations. It’s interesting.

But I bet in the long term it’s you that maintains your weight loss and healthier lifestyle. Don’t doubt yourself.

Thankyou for the not crazy lol Hopefully we will both be able to maintain our healthy weights which would be awesome

You have both made it into a competition between you, and right now he’s “winning” and he’s running it in

Annoying

But try and be supportive, as really you are both winning and maybe see it as a team achievement?

Like pp, I would focus on your own weight loss and not dh's. If his method works for him (I also calorie counted, weighed daily and adjusted my intake up or down depending on what the scales said) then that's fine.

However, I'm 100% with you that he does need to stop gloating.
Remind him every time he gives you his latest success, how much it hurts you. No decent husband would continue to hurt their wife.

I hear you, I have to work so hard to lose even a pound a week - post menopausal and hypothyroid. All you can do is keep plodding on. How does he support you in your weight loss journey? I think I'd just give him a look and say that's nice well done dear if he was mine mine is losing weight whilst still eating and drinking very well, we think it must be magic red wine he's drinking. Shame red wine doesn't like me.

Hang on, he comes from a fat phobic family, has constantly criticised you for your weight even just after your baby was born, while chomping down treats in front of you...

I'm sorry he's no hero is he?

Stop hoping he'll change into a sensitive supportive man- he won't- and get some coping strategies together.

I'd go the grey rock route- 'that's nice dear'- whenever he engages you in diet talk. Just stay away from him. He may be heading for disordered eating, he doesn't get to drag you there with him. Disengage.

Came on to say exactly what pickleme said.
Separate from him mentally; I don’t mean Lyn, but it does seem that there are problems around which pre-date DietWars... his lack of empathy and judgemental attitude are what would worry me.

“LTB” not Lyn!

As someone who has spent a lifetime battling with my weight, I can absolutely understand where you are coming from OP. It’s disheartening to be doing all the right things and putting your efforts into weight loss when the losses are so slow. Especially when someone else puts in less effort and loses twice as much. I don’t think the issue here is the fact that your husband is losing more weight than you are. I think it’s his lack of regard for your feelings and sensitivities. He knows that this upsets you and should not be continuing to do so.
Also I’m not sure how I would’ve reacted if my husband dared mention my weight to me after coming home from hospital having spent nine months carrying his child and hours upon hours trying to get said child out of me. It wouldn’t have been as restrained as you.
I guess keep doing what you are doing and try to blank him out. Well done on all your weight loss so far

Hi OP - I've not RTFT so forgive me if I am missing the point, but I think your post about feeling unsupported through the length of the relationship over your weight and health is far more important than who's on what diet.

My heart goes out to you because weight is such a personal thing, and if it were as easy as "eat veg and move more" then we'd all be doing it and no one would have a weight problem, and as you have stated, you have diagnoses that impact on your abilty to diet and your body's capacity to respond.

Personally I think your husband is being a bit of an arse; not wanting twice daily weigh-in updates while fighting your own battle is NOT unsupportive, it is just human. Also, he sounds like he has a terrible attitude to food and balanced eating.

It sounds like his attitude to you is the real problem, but I don't have any useful advice on that. FWIW, good luck to you on your healthy weight loss journey, and you are 100% right that it is not just the number on the scale.

I am getting back into regular sport. My weight has fluctuated in the range of 24kg over the last 5 years (I am currently somewhere in the middle) and while I hope to lose some again, my real "acheivements" are as follows:

• the first 5km and then the first 10km jog in an age
• the realisation that 3km has become a warm up and I'm not dying
• my calves getting thicker from cycling
• (almost) keeping up with my mum on her bootcamp torture
• resisting the cookies because I feel good so I don't fancy them
• better skin, less bloating
• better flexibilty
• putting on my lime green Jackie O style fitted dress

You sound jealous of his weight loss.
He can presumable eat more calories than you? I can eat 1600 and sustain my weight and my husband can eat 3000 and sustain his and he is much taller than me and is a man.
It is annoying when people do this though and him weighting so much is a bit useless. Your weight fluctuates all through the day depending on what you drink what you owe etc.

Just concentrate on yourself :)

He knows that this upsets you and should not be continuing to do so

But he also has needs and wants support, he wants to talk about his achievements, talk about his journey, this is normal when loosing weight. He doesn’t want a partner who doesn’t want to hear as it makes them jealous and upsets them.

That’s why they need to stop discussing it. They both have different needs and neither is able to fulfil the others needs.

Thankyou to those who have offered helpful words of support
Once again bluntness stop saying I don’t offer support when blatantly you know otherwise . What do you call cooking for and excedvising with someone . I’ve never once not congratulated my husband on his loses . I’ve asked hi. To stop obsessively reporting on every couple of grams . You clearly don’t understand what it’s like for people who actually struggle for years with their weight and I noticed you didn’t answer about whether you personally have any experience of weight loss .
Although there’s clearly some lovely support once people here there are clearly some who are part of the societal prejudice against overweight people ( particularly women ) and carry fat phobic attitudes and I’m sorry to say but your insistence that I’m not supportive and total negation of the many things I DO to support my husband suggests you’re one of these people
That’s the last I’ll reply to you because you’re clearly determined to ignore the things I do here that support my h and feel it’s totally unjustified for me to be upset not to receive the slightest bit a support in return

And bluntness if you think someone with a few excess kilos is in need of support and yet the person who’s struggled for years with much more weight does not I think this says more about your attitude to people with a lot of excess weight than
anything
There’s nothing wrong with BOTH people wanting and needing support but why is the person who’s struggled for years jealous of they are the only ones give that support ???? And having a totally insensitive attitude returned
Perhaps it’s just women who are overweight that you have a problem with

Oh @Bluntness100 just give it a rest

@WouldBeGood

Oh *@Bluntness100* just give it a rest

I shouldn’t have bitten but I woke from a crappy headache and saw yet another one of her baiting nasty messages . Ughhhh

It’s just boring.

@Pickledscales I suggest you maybe post on the weight loss chat boards? They seem really helpful