I'm a people pleaser, it's not so serious that I'm a doormat but I'm very uncomfortable with the idea of people not liking me. It stems from childhood, and I probably need therapy. Anyway, I dwell a lot on situations where I think I may have upset someone rather than just letting it go and moving on. For example, I have an old friend who is quite difficult to deal with sometimes because she is very focused on herself. I try to be kind to her as she has mental health problems and I hope if I were in her position that people would be kind and understanding of me.
Last week we met up. I was having a bad week and had other things on my mind and at one point I reacted badly to something she said and was quite critical of her for far longer than was necessary. I apologised later but she doesn't take people disagreeing with her well and I imagine that she has had a good old moan about me to other people. Also, when I apologised, instead of a reassuring response, I got an 'its ok' reply, which, as she can be a bit passive aggressive, I took to possibly mean its not ok actually.
I've spent the past week ruminating about how unkind I was and resisting the urge to apologise again. I can see myself worrying about it until I have the opportunity to demonstrate I am a 'good' person or until she does something that shows she still likes me. I know that this is unhealthy for me (and needy). How can I just let go and accept that we can't be perfect all of the time?