Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dont know what to do?

7 replies

William852852 · 03/11/2020 09:01

Hi

Need some advice please, I have been married for five years , marriage is reasonably strong, we go out as a couple and on our own.

My wife’s best friend lives 20 miles away and due to the Covid situation she stays over and comes back the next day , she has done this for a a year or two but recently the nights out have been a lot more frequent.

Recently she has changed a little , she admitted that her friend who is single has invited 3-5 people back from the pub for a house party.

She showed me a video of a night out where she looked not with it, which looked like more like she had done some drugs not alcohol.

I confronted her the other day she said she had done coke once but she didn’t like it.

I was annoyed as she didn’t admit it till I asked her, I asked her to be honest with me and tell me what you get upto on a night out/away.

I also didn’t like the fact men was coming back from the pub and also doing drink/drugs, she says nothing is going on and I believe I her, she knew I didn’t like the drugs and mostly men coming over for the house party.

I don’t believe her with the drugs, I have been hiding a recording device in the house and most of what she told me is true , but she is lying about doing the drugs I found two rizlas In her handbag.

I get in well with my wife’s friend and I have heard her say she would like me to go on the night out, about 2-3 times we had planned to go and it got cancelled, once my wife made it obvious she didn’t want me to go.she wasn’t well once etc.

When my wife goes out I go out with my friends locally so I am back later that night .

She went for a stop over a few days ago and two men came back with my wife and friend.
I Asked her next day when she came back and she said it was just her and her friend, i know that not to be true as I hid outside my wife’s friends and seen who went in the house,

I have checked her phone the WhatsApp group chat comments on my wife’s phone have been deleted , the message from her friend was still there, one of the comments is get lost with your coke and wife put don’t say anything.

It’s obvious she is lying but I don’t know how to handle this.

We have a good strong relationship before I was married I gambled to much my wife found out it left us short of money and she stood by me. I attend gamblers anonymous regularly and haven’t gambled in years.

One last thing she has the same planned for Tommorow as it will be the last night before the lockdown.

Don’t know what to do?
Apologies if the grammar isn’t great.

OP posts:
Bunnymumy · 03/11/2020 09:54

...nah you lost me at recording device.

OP there is zero trust in this relationship. Whether she is up to something or lying or not is besides the point. You dont trust her and you arent happy. And you are secretly recording her and going through her phone. Dude - creepy behaviour!

Stop twisting yourself up in knots and just walk away.

Bunnymumy · 03/11/2020 09:56

But for what it's worth it does sound like she enjoys drugs and lies about it.

DeciduousPerennial · 03/11/2020 10:05

So she’s staying out overnight regularly doing drugs - and is arguably at this point an addict - and with other men involved in some capacity, messages being deleted, “don’t tell my husband”, you’ve descended to the level of following her around, checking her phone, and hiding a recording device (which I think is illegal btw). Before getting married you gambled away significant amounts of money, leaving you both in financial hardship.

You do NOT have a strong or solid marriage.

DeciduousPerennial · 03/11/2020 10:07

Do both of you a favour and end it now.

A hidden recording device?! Ffs.

lazylump72 · 03/11/2020 10:38

I have to agree with the other posters sorry OP but this sounds like a living nightmare for both of you.There is zero trust or respect.lies,drink.drugs and possibly cheating and a lot of spying.This is not a normal relationship by any means. Some one has got to have the balls to admit this relationship is going nowhere and end it. Your wife thinks she is single and acts like it and you are driving yourself insane trying to trip her up...its bonkers.Call it a day and give yourself some peace of mind.You both shouldnt be living like this.It sounds like a miserable existance and you are just existing from night out to night out..do yourself a favour and her and end it ..Go live your life free from stress and all this crap.

MaelyssQ · 03/11/2020 11:10

Use the latest lockdown as a reason to end your marriage. Suggest she moves in with her friend. You don't want to be saddled with a drug dependent cheat, surely? You shouldn't be spying on her, or recording her conversations either.

ReneeRol · 03/11/2020 13:49

She does drugs and lies about it. Who knows what else she's lying about. Get out of there and find someone trustworthy. Her deceptive behaviour will make you crazy, don't engage any further.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread