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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to stop thinking? Advice.

1 reply

Noplans2020 · 03/11/2020 08:34

I've ended up getting feelings for someone in the last few months. I'm already with someone and have children. I know deep down it's just the kids are so time consuming at the moment we've got no time for ourselves. Plus 2020 has ensured we are barely able to do anything we'd normally do. It's just my partner sleeps on the sofa every night. We've not been intimate for a couple of years. Maybe twice! We have never had any time to go out alone for five years apart from 4 afternoons. The kids have gone through phases of not sleeping. So even if we had sex I'd be dreading a child catching us. I also feel like we have nothing to talk about anymore. We just have nothing going on.

I think this man was a distraction. He made me feel good about myself and attractive. It was just flirting and chatting. He did tell people he liked me too but didn't tell me. There was a particular few days when I felt like he was ready to make a move. I am ashamed to say I was really hoping he would give me a way of contact so we could chat. Which I know is disgusting behaviour. I didn't plan on an affair. I wouldn't do that. But I felt like my feelings were too strong to ignore and I needed to see through anything this man offered me in a friendly way, to understand if my realtionship was truly over. I would have been prepared to end things if it meant I could be happy again. But I don't know how to end things without ruining my kids lives.

I haven't seen him for a few weeks now. For a chunk of that time I was able to largely push myself away from it. Felt happier for letting it go. I felt like I was happier again at home once I let go of the hope of him getting in contact in a more personal way. Again I know how disgusting this seems.

The last few days out of nowhere I'm missing him. Wanting to see him again. Wishing I could find him somehow online of something. He's in my head alot.

I feel so upset. Because I know I should let it go. Especially because there's nothing really happening and I have a family. But my head keeps going back there. I think it's because if I let go of him then I have to go back to empty feelings.

I just wonder if anyone knows how to get over something like this. Any tips? The weather and being stuck home isn't helping either.

Please don't judge me I am aware of how this looks.

OP posts:
IJustWantSomeBees · 06/11/2020 11:28

Hi OP, if you want to stay married I would focus on fixing your marriage. This crush is a symptom of the fact that you and your DH have drifted apart and are no longer fulfilling each other. If you know in your heart that you want to separate from your DH then you should do it. Your children need two happy, committed parents who love them and are emotionally stable, this doesn't always translate into staying married.

I think you have a big decision to make, until then can you focus on a hobby? Keep yourself occupied but also allow yourself time to process your emotions. Try to get out of the house regardless of the weather, a walk does someone good when they are struggling.

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