Hi all, newbie here!
Long post alert
I really need some help and advice. I'm 34 with 4 children, i was with my ex for 17 years. We separated just over 2 years. I practically walked away with nothing and we agreed shared custody of the children, over the course of 2 weeks its a 50/50 split. I was told to leave the house as it was me that wanted out of our relationship. He kept the housing association house and i forced into private renting.
Now, thing is, he's not necessarily a 'bad guy' but there has been and still is a lot of control and manipulation, I'm not sure its intentional but its definitely there. The first time I went to go that year, he told me I would never see the kids again, so I stayed. The second time he threatened suicide, so again i stayed.
He demanded on paper the kids lived with him, meaning he had all the benefits, the much lower rent and everything else i had left, money etc.....
And because i was constantly guilt tripped with things like.....well the kids don't love you, you left, you've left me with nothing etc, etc I went with it partly to make sure i could also then share custody.
I was guilted into paying him £600pm as well!!!
Anyway.... Over the last 2 years, Iv grown as a person but I still have very little confidence when it comes do dealing and confronting him, anxiety levels go up, I'm almost sick, shake and become like this scared little girl! (he's a skinny 5ft4 man I'm 5ft6)
There has been incidents where my older 2 girls 15 & 13 have ran away from on separate occasions due to him grabbing one of them by the throat and just his general controlling behaviour, once even having to drive home 100miles, costing me a weeks work because there was no way I could leave my daughter in that distressed state!
He's controlling and even counts how much he has of things, crisps, bananas, bars for lunch boxes etc, then goes mental if anything goes missing!
Currently on his days to have the children, he very rarely is the one to look after them, its normally his parents, girlfriend or her friends and on the Sunday morning their lucky to see him before 11 ( my younger 2 are boys 9 & 7)
His house is a show home, I'm not kidding it's bloody immaculate! literally everything has been replaced in the last 2 years tea, coffee & sugar jars, towels, you name it, its been done!
Yet our boys are wearing school trousers that don't fit, one of them arrived last week in trousers that were age 5-6 he's 9 and are 15 year old daughter is wearing bras with the wires hanging out so iv just taking her shopping because he wouldn't order her any £50 later.......
They have takeaways or microwave meals most nights and I feel their needs aren't being met. I'v asked to maybe have 2 children in each of our names so at least i can help get what they need and spend the money in the right place but he went off on one and i'v been to scared to bring it up again and he will know this!
Help!!!!!!!!