Porn Stash

[Jane334]

Hi Guys,

I have been told that I am naive when it comes to porn so here goes.... is it normal for a man to have files of naked pictures and porn videos saved to his computer? More specifically his google drive?
My partner has hundreds of pictures and videos of girls from a link I found in his email. It is a download from only fans.... I suspect a hacked leak as he doesn’t have an only fans account that I know of.
This really creeps me out 🤮
Or is this normal? I know he watched porn on the internet so it is the same just more accessible and quicker to find on his google drive?
It’s all a bit weird to me but I may be overreacting?!
Thanks xx

Weird to me, too.
That sounds awful.
I would be grossed out and pissed off!!!
I’d be throwing the laptop at his head. Ok. Sorry - no violence.

Oh god. You have to pay for only fans . This just seems really grim to me op. I couldn’t have this.

No doubt none of us will really know the answer. Our partners are hardly going to be telling us are they.

Not normal. Looking at pics or videos, perhaps, but actually downloading and storing hundreds of pics and videos? No. It's fucking weird and creepy.

It's not normal.
My exH did this. Downloaded and saved every video he had a wank to.

How do you feel about it?

I don't think I'd be that bothered by it tbh. Maybe that's just me. I don't really understand the downloading of it when you could just stream it but maybe he has "favourites" that work for him

I know my partner watches porn and I'm fine with that. It doesn't make me question that he still loves me and finds me attractive. Would you feel any different about it if it were in the days of physical porn stashes?

I think it depends. And I think there are certain personality types that would have that. People who like routine and predictability. Also, combined with quite a high sex drive.
Difference between saving it and lost looking up random clips on some porn site - is that with a library you know what you have and can quickly find something you are in the mood for.
So - predictability vs novelty.

I think more people than we know have some sort of stash. An Ex who at some point later in life became a FWB mentioned having a library of sorts at some point. As we weren’t in a proper relationship - he felt he could talk about it w/o being judged.
And I knew him quite well. He has no issues with sex or porn addiction. Great in bed, very respectful.
Library was just a modern version of the stash older generations used to have. And used for solo play.

I wouldn't care.

Unless the PP are men then they have know idea it is normal.

Op if you were asked this before you found the stash then you would of probably given the same response.

The question you need to ask yourself is ' how do you feel about it' and ' how has it affect you'

No I don't want my dp to have a stash of porn but then again my exdp sext women on the side through kik and othersites
Which I was unaware of until I wasn't.

Unless the PP are men then they have know idea it is normal.

I've shown this thread to my husband and he says this is in no way normal. He thinks your partner is a "porn obsessed freak." His words.

“You have to pay for only fans . This just seems really grim to me op. “

He had a link in his emails sent from his own email with a link to a google shared drive of these files so I don’t know who is sharing them with him? I couldn’t see an email from only fans so hoping he doesn’t have a subscription.

He is really organised and structured in his life so maybe it is as MMmomDD says?

It makes me feel so sad thinking of them and I respect him less for it. It just feels seedy

RantyAnty

Really low and sad, hurt that he would do this but I can’t ask him about it as he doesn’t know I have seen the email. I don’t want to snoop on his phone so don’t know what to do.... I can’t stop thinking about it x

I think a lot of men do watch porn, but it seems a bit odd to me that he saves them to his computer. I wouldn’t love that. To be honest, I really dislike porn in general, so it would make me feel a bit less respect for him.

Thought this post was going to be about a mustache..
But yeah I would hate it. I wouldn't bring it up if it happened to me because I already know the outcome. Huge argument etc etc..its just whether you can live with it or not.

I'd be upset, OP. But porn is one of my boundaries, so I acknowledge I'm maybe not the most centrist of people in this situation.

I’m ok with porn but this seems excessive. But if your sex life is fine I guess it’s not an issue...yet.

I am new to Mumsnet and have no one to talk to so I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who posted on this thread as it has really helped me. Thank you so much.
I have never had porn issues in previous relationships that I know of! I always thought porn was for teenage boys and lonely men not people in relationships. Our sex life is healthy, it could probably be more intimate... ie more kissing and making love like in our first 6 months but it is regular (1-2 times a week). He can be a bit rough sometimes and talk dirty which I think is from the porn... it’s not my thing but he likes it so I go along with it.
I don’t have any female friends that I can confide in so I genuinely don’t know if I am overreacting or this is normal for 2020?! I guess I just have to live with it or end the relationship. We share a house and are also trying to get pregnant so we’re in a very committed place... this porn thing has just blindsided me.
Thanks again for helping xx

thing is with internet porn is that the video you like won't necessarily be there next time, so it gets downloaded, or it looks interesting so gets downloaded to check out later, could soon mount up to a good number of videos, most of which person hasn't even watched - just thought they might want to...maybe

Man here - watching porn is very common and most people who do it also have a fulfilling and faithful sexual life with their DP. If you are happy with things in the bedroom then there is probably not much to be concerned about. If you don't like him being rough or talking dirty then tell him, though dirty talk is pretty normal I think? As long as it's not derogatory or insulting of course.

Personally I don't save porn clips though I do watch it quite often, I find it stimulates my desires in all respects including those for my DW, it certainly isn't a substitute for sex with her. And unless you have any reason to think differently the the same will be true of your DP.

OP - are you quite young? You seem to have either quite sheltered or naive way at looking at live.
For starters - how long have you been with your bf? And why are you not able to talk to him about your sex life and you not liking some of the ways he is - like being too rough or the dirty talk that you aren’t enjoying?
(Incidentally - I’d doesn’t have to be related to porn at all - it maybe the way he likes it anyway. But you must be able to talk to him about it!
Next issue - why are you trying for a baby in this setup? It doesn’t seem that you have been together that long. And your relationship isn’t committed because he wants to make a baby with you. If it was a proper commitment - you’d be getting married first so that the baby has a protection of marriage.

Lastly - porn isn’t only used by teenage boys and single men. Men in relationships also masturbate. And porn for most people is just a visual aid. As it it for many women.
Some men do become addicted and their sex life suffers. Yours doesn’t seem to be that situation. I am guessing he has a somewhat higher drive than you - so he uses his stash to deal with that.

I once had a bf with a massive stash of porn, he kept it in his bedroom, which was a box room in a typical 3 bed semi. He had a chest of drawers and each one was full of video cassettes, the blank ones that you record onto, he'd taped porn from somewhere. He also had piles of magazines on shelves. This was 22 years ago. He seemed proud of it.

@MandB23

Weird to me, too. That sounds awful. I would be grossed out and pissed off!!! I’d be throwing the laptop at his head. Ok. Sorry - no violence.

No excuse for violence.

It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks is ok. It matters how you feel about it Don’t feel bad for having boundaries in your relationship. I hate porn it makes me feel sick that is my view and I can’t help it. I won’t change my mind I think you need an open and honest conversation with your husband about it Tell him you have seen it. It’s not your fault you came across it. Don’t think you have to accept it just because all men are doing it !

I found hundreds and hundreds of links to porn sites on my ex's computer, all cunningly filed in his photo folders.

I was snooping, as I didn't trust him - not about the porn in particular, although there were also links and emails to a sexy swimwear company which let people chat to the models. I replied to some of his chats, just for badness

I looked at several of the porn links - not all - it would have taken me weeks - there was nothing I considered dodgy, as in underage or violent.

I deleted the odd one, especially if I thought he'd find it a particular favourite, having known his kinks for many years.

Very petty, but I hated him by then.

I understand there are various different attitudes to porn on here, and everyone's entitled to their own.

But I don't get the difference between streaming it and downloading and keeping it. It's the same porn. The activity of watching it is the same. I don't understand how one's OK but the other crosses a line.