What should I do?

[dizzy125]

Before the first lockdown in March I met a guy from an online dating site and on paper he is everything I think I want.

We have had a few socially distanced dates and spoke a lot on videochats. He is kind, thoughtful, has no baggage, a good job, his own house and really makes me laugh. But I don't find him attractive at all. We had a couple of very awkward intimate moments, he has very limited sexual experience and is very submissive.

I was single for a year before I met him and I was in a relationship prior to that with a guy for three years. That relationship was toxic, he would swear at me in the street, accuse me of being unfaithful whilst he was sexting other women on a second phone which I just happened to find by accident. I fancied him massively and we had a great sex life (the only good part of the whole thing). There were lies upon lies and eventually after breaking up and making up several times I managed to get myself out of the situation.

This new guy is the total opposite though, but I dont fancy him at all. I thought that attraction might grow over time but it just hasn't but I'm scared I'll be making a mistake if I end it because we have such a good connection and friendship. I also think I might be clinging to this because I was treated so badly before. He has asked me to meet his friends and I'm really hesitant to let it go any further when I know I don't fancy him.

I’m sure you will get better feedback from other MN posters but I would end it. I’ve tried many times to fancy someone that I wasn’t initially attracted to and it never worked.

Sometimes I would get a lukewarm feeling towards them but I never liked them enough to want to be more than good friends. I usually held on too long because I enjoyed the conversation and didn’t want to be completely alone.

But there are people that grow to fancy their partners so that’s entirely possible for you too.

Thanks for the advice. I feel in my heart that I would be settling and that's not a good way to start a relationship is it 😕

It's pretty mean to do this to the new guy. Making do is not really sustainable in the long run. And if you meet 'The One' you'll leave anyway. It's not fair making him your 'Mr Right for now'.

You can't let him keep thinking there's romantic potential if there isn't.

He's aware that I'm struggling to see him in that way, we have talked about it and he said he was happy to keep speaking to each other as he acknowledged that we have a good connection. I dont believe in there being the 'one'. I feel terrible about it because he really is a nice guy.

You don't fancy him. Let it go!

Yeah, I agree that you're on a hiding to nothing here. It's not fair on him or you to keep it going

Would you like a platonic friendship woth him?

Neither of you should settle for this situation OP, you should both find partners who are mad about you. Let this one go, otherwise you won't be single when the right guy comes along. Trust your feelings, they are there for a reason!

Depends if sex is important to you. Sounds like you had a nightmare in the past If you are happy with a great friendship then go for it only thing is he will prob expect sex so could get tricky if you don’t want to do it with him !

This would be a disaster as a relationship if you settled with him, which you would be. It's also very unfair to him. End it now as it's the right thing to do.