Bad feeling about nursery for son!

[TaurusMama]

My 2yr old just started settling sessions, got a really uneasy vibe.. Although when i went to look around, it was great. I dropped him off (i'm not allowed in due to covid) he was fine but came out screaming when he saw me and bright red cheek/ear on one side of his face..

He is a happy boy and we are close, I knew he might not settle straight away, but really had an uneasy feeling with his carer (main one not there so she was a substitute one for his first day)

They are adamant i'm not aloud in, even to the garden so i know this is going to be hard..

looks like another kid slapped him or he fell (it happens) but be honest about it!!

Go with my gut on this one i reckon!!

He might have an ear infection?

There is a condition known as "Slapped Cheek" because one cheek goes red, I'd maybe check to see if there are other symptoms he might have? Did nursery point it out or have an explanation?

www.nhs.uk/conditions/slapped-cheek-syndrome/

It does say both cheeks here though.

Listen to your gut instinct. If it feels wrong and you are not generally a worried or overthinker then theres a reason your senses tell you something is off.

Have you called and asked them if something happened?

My nursery is still doing incident forms, which they show us; but don’t ask us to sign at the moment

I would listen to your gut. Can you speak to someone there? Change the main carer and maybe ask for some pictures of his day? It might be reassuring to see what he’s up to when he’s smiling and happy and it’s a fair enough ask when you can join him while he settles.

Do you know any other parents who send their kids there?

Can't they compromise and let you in for the first 5-10 mins?
If your hunch says it's not the right place find a new one maybe look on fb for places with reviews and even drop a pm to anyone leaving ac review who looks approachable to ask what it's like. Good luck.

If it was very red I would have expected them to say something- even if it’s just ‘There hasn’t been an accident, we think he might have an ear infection’. I would have wanted an acknowledgement and would be contacting them ASAP.

It’s a hard time for settling in. It must be awful dropping them off outside and not going in- I will have to do that soon when my little girl changes nursery and I’m terrified. The thing is though, some of DD’s key workers are the quiet types, and drop off is just a very quick hello. But I know they are absolutely fantastic with her, as I have seen them (back when going in was normal!) plus she adores them, and we get lots of photos on tapestry.

The screaming when he saw you could just be emotion, but I would trust yourself- if you don’t feel this nursery is the right fit it’s okay to change.

I’d go with your instincts here. This is why I refused to start mine until they were old enough to tell me if anything happened to them, though I appreciate not everyone has the choice to keep them at home

Thanks for responses - so he said a bit ago ‘fell in garden’ and ‘don’t like playgroup’ when asked.. so I think he had a fall and the lady had missed it, I just wished she was honest and had said so..

it made me uneasy that his cheek and ear on one side where bright red..

I did call the nursery and they claim ‘no form was filled in or they wasn’t told he had an accident by care giver’ that’s not good enough in my book!

It’s a big decision leaving him on childcare and the really didn’t care less, they couldn’t wait to get me away, even though it was a settling session and on the phone the lady mentioned I could sit in the garden (which wasn’t the case at all)

@Whysrumgone I know I’ve been reading a few things that say age 3 is good for that exact reason, so they can tell you.. Not sure I can hold out until age 3 though :/

Trust your instinct. I wish I did with DS1 when he was that age. The nursery DS1 went to was supposedly a small friendly local family run nursery. Ticked all the boxes and looked adorable.

DS1 is normally such a chilled out little dude but he absolutely hated there. He would kick and scream every morning at drop off. Staff had to peel him off me. I listened to all the bs about settling period, separation anxiety etc. I was young and inexperienced and trusted these professionals. Poor baby suffered so much and he couldn’t tell me.

One day I had enough and pulled him out, paid all the penalties for breaking the contract. Paid for days he didn’t go as the nursery had already arranged for staff and other excuses.
Sent him to a different one and DS1 settled in on the first day. He didn’t want to leave, I had to physically drag him away from nursery lol

No more crying, kicking and screaming. My happy boy was back.
I felt so guilty and resentful of myself for not standing up for him sooner when I knew there was something wrong.
Stay strong and find somewhere else.
There are tons of nurseries out there!

@roastedsaltedpeanut thank you!!! Bless your little one, I’m so glad you took him out 🙏

I'd trust your instincts. They are nature's way of helping us protect our kids

I am glad my experience could help you in some way. All the best of luck! X