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Original poster

Continue to date?

15 replies

Leonardo87 · 02/11/2020 15:49

Hey I am a 33/F

Started dating someone new about 6 weeks ago
Very attentive, arranging dates - relatively good communication. Very affectionate
He is 37/M - Works same field as me, met on Tinder

Decided to have a chat with him to DTR yesterday as I have been sexually active with him in the heat of the moment without having the conversation as felt right at the time.
He says not seeing anyone else and has cut another off as ‘wants to see how things go’. He is telling people he is seeing someone.

However, a quick poll of girlfriends has revealed that a man of that age saying ‘lets see how things go’, means ‘it is going nowhere’.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Civilhelp · 02/11/2020 15:51

Well you are exclusive it seems so I feel like he just means he wants to focus on you ?

Namechangedforthisoct2 · 02/11/2020 15:52

I would assume he literally means ‘let’s see how things go’!
Neither of you can read the future but he sounds like he’s taking the right actions to allow this to develop into a relationship

Rockinmomma · 02/11/2020 15:59

You’ll always get varying opinions from girlfriends as everyone has their own good and bad experiences
You’ve had the exclusive chat and he’s told people he’s seeing someone, that sounds positive to me
Saying ‘I want to see how things go’ just means exactly that, he’s interested to see if you can have a LTR
Relax, try not to over think and get to know each other

mena51 · 02/11/2020 17:48

He is 37, that's a non committal answer. If I were you I would see other people as well and be prepared that this is casual.

Civilhelp · 02/11/2020 18:09

Op have you asked what his expectations of ‘seeing how things go ‘ are ? Moving towards a relationship etc . Does he want a serious relationship ?

Bunnymumy · 02/11/2020 18:18

I think it sounds fine so far...but within the next fortnight I would expect to have the relationship talk. I mean, once you are sleeping together then there really should be the official chat soon after. But a little more time is fine. Just make sure to set a deadline for yourself as to how much longer you will wait. Then if you need to be the one to broach the topic again and he still gives a noncommittal response, cut your losses as he is fannying you about.

IncandescentSilver · 02/11/2020 18:34

He told you he had "cut another off"? I don't like the soubd of that. Lot only dues it sound callous, he could have been shagging someone else at the same time as you, and either lying about it or keeping them on hold.

You don't have to "cut another off" if it's only platonic.

I wouldn't fancy being the next one cut off either. It's a horrible use of language and let's face it, you wouldn't be aski g if you were entirely comfortable.

JurassicParkaha · 02/11/2020 18:42

Until he's claiming you as a gf, you're a free agent and should carry on seeing other men. Seeing how things go is fine, but you shouldn't commit to someone who isn't really committing anything to you. Don't give relationship privileges to a guy who isn't actually offering you anything atm... When he's ready to commit, and call you his gf, you can then be 'exclusive'.

All these pointless relationship stages.. This is how you end up in a situationship. There's dating, then gf, then partner/wife etc.

ReneeRol · 02/11/2020 23:07

He's stopped seeing other people to see how things go. It's only been six weeks. Far too early to be anything other than testing the waters. See how things go.

Opentooffers · 02/11/2020 23:49

I asked me a guy after 3 months if I was his GF and he. Said we'll see how it goes. A week or two later he asked why I was not being as affectionate. Hmm... Could it be something you said 🤔. I think I told him I was being more casual about it as he didn't want to take it seriously. If they don't want to commit, they can't expect full commitment back - he came round soon enough. Hold a bit back, if he doesn't notice, he's not really that into you, but it's not personal, it's the crap in their head. Meanwhile, it does you service to keep your emotions in check, a bit of self preservation of you like till he's willing to show you he's on the same page - meeting friends, maybe later family, is a good indicator.

Woui · 03/11/2020 00:32

I can't be arsed with this shit anymore but then I'm almost 50. My now DP made it clear after a week he wasn't seeing anyone else and wanted to 'be with me and see how things go'.

I get it is different when younger but don't let yourself fall into Bullshit. Life really is too short.

Original poster
Leonardo87 · 03/11/2020 08:05

Yes - he said he does not ultimately want something casual.

OP posts:
Original poster
Leonardo87 · 03/11/2020 08:09

@mena51

He is 37, that's a non committal answer. If I were you I would see other people as well and be prepared that this is casual.
Yes that is excatly what my close girlfriends said.
OP posts:
Original poster
Leonardo87 · 03/11/2020 08:11

@Bunnymumy

I think it sounds fine so far...but within the next fortnight I would expect to have the relationship talk. I mean, once you are sleeping together then there really should be the official chat soon after. But a little more time is fine. Just make sure to set a deadline for yourself as to how much longer you will wait. Then if you need to be the one to broach the topic again and he still gives a noncommittal response, cut your losses as he is fannying you about.
I was going to give it until the end of month. I do appreciate him not future faking / love bombing as I have certainly had my share of those - being asked to be a girlfriend on the third date by two seperate men has resulted in the worse expierences of my dating life TBH. It is a fine balance.
OP posts:
Original poster
Leonardo87 · 03/11/2020 08:13

@Opentooffers

I asked me a guy after 3 months if I was his GF and he. Said we'll see how it goes. A week or two later he asked why I was not being as affectionate. Hmm... Could it be something you said 🤔. I think I told him I was being more casual about it as he didn't want to take it seriously. If they don't want to commit, they can't expect full commitment back - he came round soon enough. Hold a bit back, if he doesn't notice, he's not really that into you, but it's not personal, it's the crap in their head. Meanwhile, it does you service to keep your emotions in check, a bit of self preservation of you like till he's willing to show you he's on the same page - meeting friends, maybe later family, is a good indicator.
I do not blame you. Three months. Unbelievable. I am glad I asked him. Seen him last night, he cooked for me and he was VERY affectionate. So I think asking has given him some clarity too.
OP posts:
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