I have posted before but I had to delete it because someone in real life realised it was me. My now ex, who I’ve been with for ten years and have two DC with, has basically been a dick for years. He had drug issues alcohol issues and all the usual issues that come with that, and basically wants everyone to bow down to him but doesn’t act like a decent human being half the time. The girls love him because he’s their dad, but he is very irritable and snaps very quickly at small things. We have split up around every couple of years. Usually around time where he’s not getting all the attention on him. Always him storming out which lasts a couple of weeks, one time even a few months. He then cries and begs and says me and the girls are his world etc. I posted a couple of weeks ago because I was at my wits end, He hasn’t been living here anyway since the last time as I didn’t let him move back in as it wasn’t fair on the girls to see him move in and out (last time he moved all of his stuff out while I took the girls to the seaside with my dad, without breathing a word to me) I shouldn’t have let him back then and I don’t know why I did, it was during lock down and I think I was just low but I was also very worried about money. My furlough is very low due to being my basic wage without commission. I don’t know if I will have a job to return to as it’s a small business. Anyway, things have been fine but he has made it clear on occasions that he will never change and I realised this isn’t what I want my children thinking they should look for in a husband. That thought makes me shudder. He works away in Wales mon-fri anyway and this weekend threw his dummy out the pram when I said I had booked pumpkin picking with for the girls at the weekend, that he wanted to ‘relax’ he was tired etc, I understand this but I can’t imagine not seeing my kids all week and not wanting to take them out at the weekend? He would happily watch tv, his laptop or phone the entire day. He then announced fuck it I won’t be coming this weekend (he stays with his dad) and that he was going to stay there as he ‘won’t even see us anyway if we are going out’ the point was to do something together. He has been miserable for a few weeks now and I knew soon he would do his usual ‘we aren’t working’ so in Reply to the messages he sent me I said okay, can you come over Saturday night before the girls bedtime, see them briefly and then we need a serious talk. I don’t know if it was because he sensed my tone and being pathetic wanted to get in there first but, he refused. Then Sunday morning I woke up to a long voice note, yes VOICE NOTE, telling me we are over. He doesn’t love me, he doesn’t love what we have, he wants more in life, and just a load of horrible nonsense really. I reacted how a lot of people would at receiving a voicenote after 10 years and 2 DD, he has now blocked me. Yes blocked me. Appaling behaviour. Especially in the middle of a pandemic what if something happened?? Anyway, eventually he will unblock me I assume and want to discuss the children etc going forward. I feel like there is 1000000 things I want to say to him and explain that his issues in his life are his own fault, he constantly self destructs then blames everyone else for his problems, he’s a class A narcissist but that’s even more the reason I should just zip it shouldn’t I?? I’m so so angry at him, yesterday I felt sick all day and last night I think I cried the most I have ever in my life because I know this time it is really over. How can men just be so cruel and switch off? The reason we are not happy is because of him, but he will never see that will he?
How do I act from here when he does contact me, I know the whole ‘ you need counselling etc’ (he has bad untreated issues) speech will only think I’m begging for him back which I am not. Even Sunday in my message I mentioned something about he sees himself as 1 and not 1 of 4, he forgets his actions constantly affect 3 other people, and his reply was ‘you are pathetic, do not use my children to guilt trip me’ what by reminding him they exist and have feelings? He has not got a pot to piss in, he lives with his dad, he has no savings, blows his wages very fast, it’s almost offensive that he thinks that life would be more enjoyable than with his family in their nice home??
What do I do next?
Thank you, sorry it’s long and rambling but my head is 10000mph x