Desperately want to divorce DH but so scared!

[Mollymommy]

I so desperately want a divorce from my husband. He is so controlling, with money, time and what I do. He thinks it’s tit for tat on who does what with the kids (we have 3 children) if he gives them breakfast it’s like his super nanny!

I’m so scared, I want to tell him, I just can’t imagine it going down well. I also can’t imagine what the next step will be, I don’t know how we can afford to run two households, who will move out. I’m at such a loss. I feel like I’d be doing the kids out of their home because we’d definitely have to sell up and downsize. But I just can’t imagine spending the next 10/20/30 years with him, I just feel so sad all the time, like I’m just existing here and trying to be present for my kids.

Childcare is £1000 and the mortgage is £1350 but he earns twice as much as me

Excellent, you sound like you’re on your way to a better place, and Spring is round the corner.

My ex-husband was VERY controlling and abusive. He got the kids 50/50 (I was the primary carer and they were just 3 and and 6 at the time).
He remained in the huge former matrimonial home and still does to this day. I'm still renting seven years on. Money is tight.
He's now trying to get even more custody. It's been a total nightmare for us all.
But I hold on to the fact that at least the kids still have a mum. They wouldn't if I'd have stayed.
I agree with others - preparing to leave will help.

I just thought I would update the thread, I filed for divorce in April! We’re still at logger heads about what to do with the house, so still a long way to go 😔

I’m in the middle of separating, but it’s fairly amicable.

I know the stress I’m feeling, so I can’t imagine how much more it must be for you in your situation.

Hope you find the strength, willpower and persistence and keep going.

I start feeling so guilty, then have remind myself that this is the result of years and years of him insisting on always getting his own way in everything.

Well done.

Good for you @Mollymommy well done! How do you feel? You will get there.

Oh well done! Is he still in the house?

Hooray for you! I am so glad to hear a success story. Your children will thank you when they are grown.

Thanks everyone! I wasn’t expecting anyone to respond :)

Yes he’s still in the house :( it’s so hard some weeks, especially if he has a drink, he can say some real nasty words. I went through everything with my solicitor and she assures me it’s all psychological control and scaremongering. So I’m trying really hard to ignore and not get sucked into an argument. Sometimes it gets too much and I have to have a good cry and then I’m feeling ready to face a few more weeks.

I told him yesterday morning that I was not in agreement with the shared custody, which he took better than I expected, I think he knows by now that he is the one that would have to foot the court bill for that as I’m the primary caregiver and he’s too tight for that lol

I was close to going down the Mesher order route but I’m not sure now that it’s the right thing, I’ve suggested to him that we sell the house but he wants to keep it and buy me out, we’re getting it valued over the next week and we’ll see where we get to.

we’ve not had any conversations with DD yet, but will have to soon as he’s booked a holiday for them early august and they will need to understand why mommy isn’t coming

I’m also preparing for divorce and when I read things like this I am so fearful for the future. How was an outcome like this permitted?