At the beginning of this year my dad made a false allegation about me to social services. He alleged that I had "battered" my child. This was completely untrue and he wasn't even there when the alleged incident happened. He was acting on third party hearsay from an other family member who WAS there and saw it was one single smack on the bum. (For a bit of context, my child had just kicked me in the stomach and spat at me, so I gave him a smack on the bum). I know smacking isn't great, and I'm not looking for any lectures on this.
For several years (long before my child was even born), my dad has blamed my siblings and I for ANYTHING that goes wrong in his life. None of us want anything to do with him for this reason. He's an emotionally abusive narcissist.
In recent years, he's blamed me because his alcoholic, drink driving, homophobic, racist bigot of an ex wife left him. She couldn't "deal" with my choice to marry someone from a different country. The "inconvenience and embarassment" of my choice apparantly caused more strain than their own marriage could take...He blamed me and my choice for her decision to hit the bottle and go drink driving. She also never "recovered" from her son coming out as gay when he was teenager. She was just vile, but my dad made excuses for her rather than see her for what she was. He even begged me to dump my fiance weeks before my wedding, saying he'd find me someone "better" (meaning, white British and rich). I refused and went ahead with my marriage. He didn't attend, as was brainwashed by his wife not to. They lived in a very affluent, rich area where people just don't marry "foreigners" or partners from "other religions" etc. It's all just too inconvenient and goes against the grain... Sigh.
As soon as I got pregnant his wife announced she wanted a divorce (obviously jealous that he was going to be a grandad).
He's always blamed me for this, as I was "too stubborn" and "know-it-all" to marry a "foreigner" when they asked me not to. My own married failed but for completely separate reasons. My husband is no longer in the picture.
Back to the allegation to SS, they found it completely baseless and told me they're treating it as "malicious". The preschool told me the same. They also spoke to SS and confirmed I'm a good mum and there are no concerns with my child. My child was also "interviewed" in age appropriate language and refuted the allegation, confirming it was single smack on the bum, nothing more and nothing less.
I told SS was kind of a person my dad is (and all the background of his naricssim and blaming me for all his own failings in life), they appeared sympathetic and asked me "do you want him in your life?" and "what value does he bring to your life?". I said no and nothing. The only reason I have forced myself to remain civil with him is because of my child who loves him. My child is very close to him and sees him a few times each week.
After what he did regarding the allegations told me dad I want absolutely nothing to do with him and no relationship with him, but will remain civil just for the sake of my child.
He claimed he was "only trying to help" as he thought I was under "stress" or "struggling" but this is bullshit. Prior to making the allegation he stormed into my house, didn't even have the decency to ask questions about what REALLY happened (bearing in mind he wasn't even THERE at the time!), screamed in my face about what a terrible mum I am, about how he's "gonna get custody" and how I "should never have been allowed to have a child" and how my child "deserves better than me". I also mentioned this to SS to refute the story that he was peddling about just being a concerned and well-meaning father just worried about his daughter. Thankfully, his vile tirade of this abuse was overheard by 2 workmen who were doing some work in my garden at the time. My dad didn't know he was overheard and went all quiet when I told him, and also told him that SS had been contacted by those 2 people sticking up for me.
Unfortunately, the rest of the family (except my siblings and their partners who know exactly what my dad is like and have nothing to do with him for this reason) don't have any grasp of WHY I'm still so hurt and angry about the whole thing after almost a year. They say ridiculous things like "he was just looking out for his grandchild" and "wants the best for you". He was looking out for himself. If he were looking out for his grandchild, why not have the decency to ask questions or check facts before going to SS with such a bullshit allegation? Surely if reporting someone to SS it's best to have all the facts to hand, not just some 3rd party chinese whisper version of events? Especially if you're trying to throw your only remaining daughter (other disowned him YEARS AGO) under the bus?
AIBU to be so angry?