Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would any of you admit to still having very strong feelings for your ex husband?

24 replies

wigglyworm002 · 01/11/2020 18:45

I HATE that I constantly think about my ex husband. He left 4 years ago for an OW and has married her.
Our marriage was pretty good (and very long), however once the affair was found out, that was the end of the marriage.
He's been an absolute arsehole to me since our divorce (he never was during our marriage) and I cannot help wonder if he feels he's made a huge mistake. OW immediately had a baby and because of her religion, he had to marry her (he never told anyone until 2.5 years after the wedding... not even our kids!)
Does anyone else have a similar story?

OP posts:
cocodomingo · 01/11/2020 19:02

No..only feelings of contempt. Zero attraction and a lot of frustration that despite having 2 kids under 16 months with OW, that he has the audacity to not ensure that divorce proceedings are processed without delay. 10 year marriage, 2 DC.

RosesandPumpkins · 01/11/2020 19:05

I still have some feelings for my ex circa 2008 when we married... but not my ex circa 2018 when I left him.
I mourn the loss of the man I married. But he doesn’t exist now. It’s hard because I know he can be a nice person. He isn’t a nice person now though. He’s selfish.

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 01/11/2020 19:09

Does hate count?

MrsGrindah · 01/11/2020 19:10

Ha. I came on to say does murderous revulsion count!

Gooseybby · 01/11/2020 19:13

No. Hate him. The thought of ever having touched him turns my stomach - what the HELL was i thinking???

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/11/2020 19:14

Pity. Sometimes. Can’t say it’s a strong feeling though. I feel additional pity for the new wife.

Hailtomyteeth · 01/11/2020 19:15

No. It's decades since we split so I'd lost all emotional connection. Until I heard he was dying. Then I had a great deal of concern and sorrow. It passed. I said to my adult daughter that I'd go with her to see him if she wanted. She didn't. I later heard he'd said 'You can bring your mum if you want.' Seemed fair. Neither of us said 'I want to see you!' even at that stage.

xanthippe8 · 01/11/2020 19:18

Just disdain.

chunkyrun · 01/11/2020 19:19

Yes but we're just not compatible sadly

Ismellphantoms · 01/11/2020 19:32

No. I actively dislike him. He also got married and didn't tell our DC.

paintedpanda · 01/11/2020 19:34

Strong feelings, yes, but not loving ones...
I shudder when I recall our wedding day and being intimate with him, and it makes me sick to my stomach when I hear him talk to our DC like infants, as though they haven't grown at all since he left (on the extremely rare times he sees them at least).

Peace43 · 01/11/2020 21:47

I’m 2 years separated, 18 months divorced. I instigated the split. I’m still really sad and I miss the man I married. I loved him and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Sadly I’m not sure he ever really existed and the selfish man I found myself with 14 years later wasn’t someone I could love. He spoiled our DDs Halloween weekend this weekend by not caring or trying to make it fun and I’m not surprised- I’m just sad and angry.... again!

LondonCrone · 01/11/2020 22:00

I actually like my ex, just as friends. He cheated on me, but we married young and had no way out of the marriage. I think he did me a favour.

He's weak, and he's a coward, and I'm so glad he gave me a reason to leave. I never would have, but I can see that I'm so much better without him. We're just in different leagues. But he'll always know me, and be there for me if I need him. It's the best of both worlds, in a way.

Spritesobright · 01/11/2020 22:14

It's so strange because I know I did love him very much but over the two years since he left I find it really difficult to remember why or what that was like.
We're still not divorced and unfortunately the financial negotiations have reminded me of what an unreasonable, tight bastard he is now.
I don't think he was always like that though. He had a midlife crisis and it was like a lobotomy or something. I don't know who he is now but he's not the man I married.

kazza446 · 01/11/2020 22:32

Yes, love him but as a brother. We have both been there for each other in hard times and watch out for each other. Miss the relationship we had, even though I’ve been with someone else for 19 years and my exh cheated on me. I also pity him. He has a crap childhood and I think it’s affected his ability to commit. He hasn’t settled down since our break up. Appears to chase the romance then becomes bored.

Mulberry974 · 01/11/2020 23:14

I know I'll always love my ex and we are now friends but he did cheat on me and broke up our marriage so my feelings aren't the same. He's weak and damaged and rather stupid about women. I don't fancy him how I used to though, that faded after his affair not surprisingly.

Original poster
wigglyworm002 · 02/11/2020 08:11

It's very interesting how many of us have used the word "weak and coward" when speaking of our exes. My ex actually uses those exact words to describe himself !! I'm so disappointed for my grown up kids who have no strong father to now look up to.

OP posts:
Summerhillsquare · 02/11/2020 08:14

I certainly miss the man he was. When young he was lovely, kind and principled, and great fun. I miss that person a lot. He wasn't like that by the time we got divorced of course. Also weak, and pompous, and grumpy, when I last knew him.

TiggerDatter · 02/11/2020 08:24

I feel a mix of deep affection and murderous exasperation for my XH. Like you OP I am really sad that my adult DC can’t look up to him or rely on him, as that role falls only on me and my very elderly DF. I cannot conceive of why his girlfriend sticks around. She seems like a nice woman but she should really give him up, as I did, before he drags her down completely.

YoniAndGuy · 02/11/2020 08:38

@cocodomingo

No..only feelings of contempt. Zero attraction and a lot of frustration that despite having 2 kids under 16 months with OW, that he has the audacity to not ensure that divorce proceedings are processed without delay. 10 year marriage, 2 DC.
A friend had this.

She found that once she started fondly referring to his new child as 'the new little child of our marriage' - things started moving rather quicker.

Valleygirl27 · 02/11/2020 09:03

I feel a lot of sadness for the loss of the good times and love we had, we had a very loving relationship but just wanted very different things out of life which led to me feeling very lonely and miserable in my life. He didn't want anything to change and I needed it to so eventually I had to leave to do it for myself. Our life wasn't what I wanted but it was what he wanted and was happy with and at times I feel extremely guilty for taking that away from him.

VivaMiltonKeynes · 02/11/2020 09:29

This phrase "I miss the man I married " is pretty pointless - no one stays the same and neither do you . Life takes its toll on all of us as it should do.

RosesandPumpkins · 02/11/2020 19:04

Yeah but there’s changing with age and changing into a selfish bastard. I changed with age. I became wiser but I am still a kind human.

bluebird243 · 02/11/2020 19:11

Yes, But we weren't compatible, wanted very different things out of life.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page