Taking so long to get there ...

[diamondfire]

Hello. I'm in a new relationship after a 15 year marriage .. with a very kind, generous and sexually adventurous man . I am not able to post on the sex board so I hope that this is appropriate to post here .
He gets his kicks from my pleasure and is always attentive and giving in every way.
Here is the thing... it takes him ages to ejaculate and sometimes not at all , but is very content and satisfied with that.
We spend hours at times, engaging with each other's bodies and at the beginning of the relationship , he was nervous and had difficulty maintaining an erection.
We discussed that and he was very open about it saying that after a nasty divorce and some other personal catastrophes, he found it affected his erections and libido.
Since then , he has no difficulty in staying hard for sometimes hours at a time and we have great fun!
We discussed porn use. I have no objection to it and while he says he enjoys it , he feels it can be addictive and it can become a habit . While he was single and living alone, I get the impression it was a regular thing for him.
He has come about 8 out of 10 times when we have sex . In all
Positions we tried . But I do wonder why not every time and why does it take so long ? My experience is limited to my exh who Came after 15 mins . Every time.
He is happy not to cum, I am hugely satisfied but I wonder what's going on or is this just his normal. Thanks .

He mostly does cum but not every time and it can be after anything from a half hour to three hours but during that time, it isn't all PIV .

He isn’t necessarily using viagra. Erectile dysfunction and anorgasmia (inability to orgasm with “normal” stimulation) do not necessarily go hand in hand.

I had a fairly traumatic marriage from a sex perspective - I was shamed for wanting sex (it was an almost completely sexless marriage), told to “hurry up” on those few occasions we did have it, and years later told in counselling that my wife “hated every minute of it and was only doing it because she felt it was part of the job description for a wife”. I also relied heavily on porn throughout the marriage due to the lack of sex.

Following on from that, I found in my next few sexual relationships that I had no difficulty in getting and maintaining erections (I’m in my forties), quite the opposite in fact, but reaching orgasm is hit and miss for me. Maybe that’s a result of emotional trauma relating to sex, maybe due to years of porn use (although I only used it once or twice a week, and never use it now I’m with someone who actually wants to sleep with me). Maybe it’s just me and would have happened anyway.

Bottom line OP is, it sounds like I’m pretty similar to your other half, and I’ve never used viagra, so it could easily not be that for him either. Also, I feel exactly the same way as your OH about it - I still really enjoy sex, even if it doesn’t result in orgasm - and for women that take a long time to reach orgasm through PIV, my “handicap” can even turn out to be an advantage! The downside is a need to communicate over when to stop though, since there isn’t always a natural end to proceedings.

I honestly wouldn’t worry - although a couple of the women I’ve been with have taken it personally and thought they were doing something wrong (they weren’t), and needed reassurance.

That's an interesting perspective thanks.
I do know that he was subject to personal insults about his body over time and that his self esteem was very affected .
It really does not bother me but it is all so new to me , after a long marriage that I don't Know what to expect but I realise that we are all very different.
He mostly gets off on my pleasure which again is brand new to me .