Ok guys, I don't have any questions as such, I just need to vent.
I wrote here a few months ago asking for some advice about leaving my relationship. I was with my ex for two years and long story short I doubt think he so much as picked up a glass when we were together. I was working full time as a key worker, he was furloughed. Despite him being at home all day the cleaning and cooking was left to me, I was working 5 14 hour shifts a week at the time. We weren't having sex. He had absolutely no interest in touching me or take notice of any effort I made.
During our relationship I had two operations, a laporoscopy and then another one a few months later to remove some abnormal cells which I later on found out were on their way to turning cancerous. He wanted me to drive myself to the hospital on both occasions and I ended up moving home as he wouldn't help at all. It's worth mentioning that after my operations I was told that the chances of pregnancy are low and if I do get pregnant the chances of miscarriage are high.
It's funny really because it's the little comments that tip you over the edge isn't it? On this particular day we were having a dishwasher fitted. I'd cleaned and washed clothes before hand. Made myself a cup of tea and left the mug on the side, not wanting to wash it because I was excited to have my dishwasher 😂. I had some errands to run, when I came home started cooking dinner. He told me that he was very annoyed with me because I'd left a mug on the side when the guy came to fit the dishwasher and 'the least I could do was wash a mug.' That was it, that was the comment I need to leave. So I did. Honestly, I haven't shed a tear since I've left.
We went through the usual he begged me to go back, promised he'd change. Again he was furloughed and left it to me to sort the bills out while I was on break at work. Until the one day I just lost it and told him to sort it all himself.
Anyway, months later I've found out that not only was he cheating on me, but he had a whole second family going on. Which 100% explains why he had no interest in me. But it hurts you know? I've had the worst luck with men (my ex had a gambling problem and stole from me) and everyone is shocked that he cheated, he really doesn't seem the type.
I already suffer with anxiety but does anyone have any advice on how to build up my trust again? I really don't want this to affect future relationships but it's getting difficult and my mental health is definitely struggling.
Sorry for the essay, I just needed to vent. And (hopefully) not be judged.
Thank you 🙂